Suspicious1

[Suspicious1]

I heard back. He sent my solicitor a long, long letter refuting and minimising all the concerns I raised, and then counter-attacked using complaints(detail removed by moderator). I raised genuine concerns about their welfare, and he brushed it all off, then pointed the finger at me with trivia.

He also says he does not accept supervised contact is needed so it will have to stay the same as it always has.

I suppose MIAM and court is the only way forward, but I’m terrified the family court will dismiss it all as a difference in parenting styles.

[Suspicious1]

Thank you both. I called a solicitor and the NSPCC this morning, both of whom say some of the activities he’s asking them to be involved in are not age appropriate and not in the interests of their welfare. My solicitor says they can write him a letter outlining this and asking him to stop, but while I’d prefer this route I’m nervous of taking it as he has a history of breaking agreements, even court-ordered ones. She said the other option is to stop contact (which would upset the children but I want them to be safe) and wait for him to apply to the court who may order supervised contact.

I’ll call the helpline here now and see if I can talk through the options. Thanks again.

[Suspicious1]

Thank you all. I was well on my way to forgetting all those old feelings he generated when he was abusive, but now there they are again.

Interestingly I see my partner now trying to process it the way I used to. The “well he must have been just being clumsy, he can’t have meant to do that” excuses. Just like I did when he elbowed me round the head, or pushed me, or assaulted me. These days I just give a wry smile. I remember him assaulting me, how I was saying “no” over and over again, and afterwards thinking “how many times do you have to say no before you can be sure it wasn’t just a misunderstanding?”. This time it was the dog – how long does a dog have to howl for before you can be sure he wasn’t just being clumsy?

The truth is the same for both – he understood that howl as soon as it happened just as he understood the word “no”, and he ought to have stopped immediately. He had the ability to stop immediately. He chose not to.

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