Takethelongroad

[Takethelongroad]

Thank you Wants to Help for your nice reply. The simple answer is that I don’t have any other support around me at the moment. I’ve been isolated for so long that I’ve lost contact with everyone. We had no mutual friends and I hid everything from my family because I felt so ashamed. I finally confided in my sister out of desperation, but she blamed me and I ended up desperately defending myself against her verbal attack, which really upset me at the time. So I will have to rely on myself and ride the storm I think. I am seeing an old friend this weekend but I don’t feel ready to cloud our meeting with all of this after so long not seeing her. So that’s it. I will have to try and remain calm and get on with it and find solutions on here and within myself.

[Takethelongroad]

Thank you so much Twisted Sister, Banana boat, Auriel and Dandelion for your very helpful replies. My apologies for not replying sooner, but I’ve been ill for the last few days (probably as a result of all the anxiety and stress over the situation).

He asked if he could collect everything the (detail removed by Moderator) instead, which I agreed to, but is now up to the usual mind games of bombarding me with texts: asking whether there’s any future, demanding a response, saying how much he’s done for me, very weak apology, etc, etc, to the point where I’ve had to block him as it’s making me stressed and ill. I’ll be glad when it’s all over, although I have to admit, the future does scare me.

I can’t tell you how much I appreciate all of your support, it means so much to me. Thank you everyone.

[Takethelongroad]

Thanks for your reply RedStrawberry, no I’m not married (thank the lord) and I am not eligible for benefits yet (although it doesn’t take long to reach that threshold which is something I want to avoid if at all possible).

All the best to you too. This forum is incredibly helpful and I wish I’d found it long ago.

[Takethelongroad]

My partner goes through periods of saying, (detail removed by Moderator). It’s repetitive, tiresome and it drains me. It takes me a whole day to recover after he’s left on a Monday morning. It’s no life.

[Takethelongroad]

Thanks Curious B

I’ve been meaning to reply to your very helpful reply these last few days, but have been having a long hard think to get my head around things. What you wrote was so helpful and encouraging and food for thought.

I see you’re inactive now, so guess you’ve since deleted your account.

I’m glad things worked out for you and hopefully they will for me too.

Wishing you all the best.

Hugs in return x

[Takethelongroad]

My partner does this all the time. Makes sly, mean comments that he knows will upset me and when I call him out, says ‘I was joking, ‘it’s only a joke’. My response is, ‘it’s not funny and you’re the only one that’s laughing’. Then I reply with something like, ‘you’re fat and ugly and when he calls me out, follow it up with ‘I was only joking’. But I hate doing this and I know it’s not normal, healthy banter for a supposedly loving relationship and it leaves me upset as well. He wasn’t like this at the start of our relationship when he was love bombing me to lure me in. I always think, God, how has my life come to this? It’s so depressing.

[Takethelongroad]

Thanks for posting your experience. Everything you say is so true! I recognise so much of what you say and I’m glad that your mum got out and is happier with her life despite her illness. How did you end it with your boyfriend? Did you simply say to him that that was the end and he left? Are you financially independent so you could afford to? If you feel you can share at all, I’d love to hear your story.

As for me, I know that my partner is secretly pleased that I’m not well now and on medication, so unable to work and therefore financially dependent on him. It’s not a healthy situation to be in, as you know.

Anyway, hope to hear from you.

[Takethelongroad]

Hi CuriousB, I’ve just joined this forum and read your posts dated February. Much of what you write is what I’ve been experiencing for years and I just wondered whether you’re still in the relationship? I hope not as you might end up like me, which is not a good thing I can assure you.

Anyway, hope to hear from you.

[Takethelongroad]

Hi Little miss Sunshine

I’ve just seen your post and was wondering how you are.

Just to say that I’m in exactly the same situation as you, so it would be good to share some mutual support.

Hoping to hear from you soon.

[Takethelongroad]

This is an inspiring memo and exactly what I needed to read this morning. I felt so down today over the loss of (removed by moderator) years and the loss of Me.

Thank you and keep strong. Xx

[Takethelongroad]

Thank you, ts and chocolate bunnie, for your prompt replies, I really appreciate it and I can’t tell you how much it helps me.

I’ve identified him as a narcissistic abuser from a link that someone helpful on here posted on Dr Ramani’s work, so whoever posted that, thank you. It’s still classic emotional abuse, only made even harder to deal with as he is a narcissist as well and therefore dangerously lacking in any empathy or guilt.

I have bagged all his remaining stuff up and put it in the hall. I warned him that I will change the locks, but I don’t want a scene at the door or the embarrassment of leaving his stuff outside in front of my neighbours as it’s quite a close community and I would just die from the embarrassment as I don’t want to be the subject of idle gossip. I’ve told him that I will probably be (detail removed by moderator) and he replied that he will take what he can in the car and go. He lives about (detail removed by moderator) away, so I’ve decided that I will (detail removed by moderator) and go out for the afternoon and come back later.

It’s annoying as I just wanted a calm, peaceful afternoon (detail removed by moderator), but that is the way of an abuser: always ruining your smallest enjoyment in life through aggressive, disruptive controlling behaviour.

I feel scared and anxious which is something I never thought that a strong, independent, professional woman like me would experience, but I have to remain strong and resolute.

Thank you for your help, it means a lot to me.

[Takethelongroad]

Anonymous’s reply is absolutely on the money for this one. Thank you for that, it’s helpful. Any suggestions for how to deal with comments like that?

[Author]

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