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    • #128245

      Thank you for your comment KIP, I’ll give it some serious thought. You’re right, we do minimise the abuse and that’s what I did for a long time.

      On a positive note I’ve recently met with other DA survivors whose situations are ongoing or very recent and without exception they are all better informed, they have sought help straightaway, and they are actively collecting evidence. It’s good to see things are starting to improve in terms of awareness and support, and I’m hopeful that all of these women will see some sort of justice. Who knows, maybe one day I will too! x
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    • #128131

      I was expected to answer any call or text from him immediately, no matter what I was doing, because his needs were obviously very, very important. Talking of calls, I was once actually screamed at down the phone while I was working in an open plan office. To this day I have no idea how my colleagues didn’t overhear (though they were a few metres away) it was like existing in some sort of parallel universe. Each morning, before I left for work (he was still in bed), I was expected to go (removed by moderator), to take him a cup of tea and give him a kiss good morning. At this point he’d grab and hold me down to try and physically stop me going out to work as a ‘joke’, at which point I’d have to summon all my strength to fight him off me. Each evening it was my job to go outside to call in (removed by moderator)’. The kettle had to be refilled straightaway, because if he picked it up to find it partly empty, he’d go on and on and on at me for not filling it. As my planned day of escape drew nearer, I’d ‘forget’ to refill it…..if he was moaning about the kettle then at least he wasn’t moaning about something else! That’s just a few examples, so I completely understand what you’ve been going through Headspin!

    • #128129

      Thanks everyone, some words of hope and inspiration!

    • #127955

      This post really resonates with me, brings back lots of memories of how my ex would deprive me of sleep, so thought I’d share a few examples. I had a long commute and started work early so would have to go to bed at a reasonable hour (unless I had to work late). He’d do the usual, banging around the house, completely inconsiderate. At one stage we had (detail removed by moderator) and he’d sit up for hours just (detail removed by moderator) when he got frustrated while I tried to sleep. Another time, when we were in the (detail removed by moderator), he waited until I went to bed and decided he just had to (detail removed by moderator)…wtaf? I think one of the worst evenings was when I was very distressed after receiving news(detail removed by moderator). I held it together (detail removed by moderator) but later when I was visibly upset, I was told loudly to (detail removed by moderator). He followed me upstairs to the bedroom and continued to rant and rave at me about well, nothing in particular…eventually (detail removed by moderator). By this stage I was utterly exhausted so I just very calmly and quietly told him that I was going to sleep in another room. He would never let me lie in – like others here I experienced things like having the duvet whipped off me and being told to get up, having cold water or ice cubes thrown over me, being physically dragged off the bed (detail removed by moderator), etc etc. He really is a pathetic individual and I’m well rid of him. After many years together it’s been challenging to rebuild my life, but I have my own place and can choose when to rest! Sending my thoughts and strength to anyone who is still experiencing this sort of behaviour xx

    • #127685

      Hi soxy, I’m glad you like the song! A friend of mine made me a whole playlist when I got out…maybe I’ll post it here sometime. Sending love and strength to you as you work towards leaving for your new life. My advice at this stage would be to get as much advice and support as you can from appropriate agencies and of course, stay safe xx

    • #126279

      Thank you Lisa and Darcy for your comments. I hadn’t realised what a difference it makes to hear responses from others but that’s amazing, thanks!
      As mentioned, I left my abuser after many years together, and finally regaining my freedom felt incredible. I think I spent the next few years running on adrenaline just to overcome all sorts of challenges, to completely rebuild my life, but I did it. I’d previously been so absolutely crushed, was told on a daily basis that I was ‘useless’, so my message to others when you’re at your lowest is that you’re actually so much stronger than you think!
      In answer to Lisa (and thank you for asking), yes I have now received professional support which has been amazing. I would have reached out for this sooner had I known what was available, but thanks to womensaid, other organisations and more coverage in the media, there is now increased awareness of what sort of help is out there.
      So, to anyone who is in a relationship that makes you distressed or fearful, I would say you do not deserve this, you can resolve this. Take the first step and ask for help.

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