Timemachine

[Timemachine]

So had dr phone call. Dr gave talking therapies phone number. He called them when he got home and has first one (detail removed by moderator). He says he was so happy (detail removed by moderator). All week we were both happy. Top of the world and he wants to get back to that as that shows we can be good together. He said he has never gone and got help before so should show to me that he does mean it.
Am I now just thinking it’s lies or is this the start of something good. I don’t know what to think now.

[Timemachine]

So he spoke to the GP. GP has told him to call talking therapies. Not sure this is the right sort of support for someone like him. But he has tried I suppose.
Surely these people can get better if he really wants to. He’s never done this before.

[Timemachine]

No luck getting through to anyone today. I’m hoping to try again tomorrow. Thank you everyone.

[Timemachine]

I’m going to call today if I can. Just see what they have to say. See if it’s just me or if I should support him in changing his ways. Some sort of validation one way or another. And what my options may be.

[Timemachine]

But what if he can’t live without me. What if he loves me so much and so hard it hurts and he’s overly passionate.
He used to use drugs when I met him but stopped them all as I didn’t agree. He had to give up all of his friends and previous life to be able to leave that life. He did all that for me. To be with me.
Do I not owe it to him to take the good with the bad when he has had to give up so much for me.
His family are useless. They don’t seem to show emotions and allowed him to use and sell at a very young age. So his family upbringing is not his fault but could be why he struggles so much.
It’s so hard because I don’t know how much of what I think is actually my thought or his thoughts or just me trying to justify my reasons for staying so long.

[Timemachine]

So this evening he has done the whole flower petals, candles and a bath run. He’s got a doctors appointment (detail removed by moderator) to get help.
But can people like him really change or am I just being sucked in again.
I didn’t accept the bath and just asked him to clear it up, which he did without getting angry and now just seems really sad.
It’s tiring going round and round in circles.
Being doted on, looked after, laughing to him kicking off.
None of my family know, they all hated him when I met him and if they find out I will just get the whole, ‘I told you so’ ‘it’s your fault, you should have listened’
My eldest has seen some horrific sights when he used to be physical. How can I leave now he’s not doing that when I didn’t when he did. If that makes sense.

[Timemachine]

Thank you Darcy. But I’m really not that strong. I have allowed my children to suffer for (detail removed by Moderator) years. Seeing and hearing the unthinkable.
I also worry that if I tell him to leave he will be violent again. Then also everyone will find out, including my family.
Last time I asked him to leave, (detail removed by Moderator) ago because he kicked off at my (detail removed by Moderator) son he called me whilst driving (detail removed by Moderator) telling me he was going to crash the car. Other times I have asked him to leave he refuses or locks us in the house. I hate that my children have lost them selves and are nothing like they used to be. I hate the fact that I am stuck. I hate my life and the life my kids have.

[Timemachine]

Yes it is. I will try that tomorrow. Run out of time for today

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