Tinydancer80

[Tinydancer80]

Thank you xx
I am keeping all texts.xx

[Tinydancer80]

To begin with you don’t have to divulge any information that you are not comfortable with. You can tell him things didn’t work out between you and your husband. Don’t tell him anything that makes you feel uncomfortable and don’t say anything that will make you vulnerable.
He should show you enough respect to not force the subject if you don’t want to discuss it straight away. You could always just say it’s complicated and then change the subject.
If however he makes you feel like you want to talk about it with him the do that. Sometimes it’s good to get it off your chest to a stranger. Either way the decision is about what ever you feel comfortable with.
Personally I have never hidden my experience. I don’t feel that I should be ashamed of it and I’ve always found it gives me a good idea about what kind of person I’m on a date with by the response I get.
Good luck with your date, enjoy it. Xx

[Tinydancer80]

Did your ex get contact when it went to court serenity? Did the court believe his lies?

[Tinydancer80]

Thanks Winterblues and Serenity for your replies.
I have stopped contact and he is now aware. His response was a text message telling me to keep him as he is done with me and done with fighting for children.
I would love to believe that this will be the end to it but as I’ve already had a missed call from him I know it’s not.
I won’t go back on my decision now, I know I have done what’s best for my son and like you said serenity I’m sure the court will see that for the,selves even without the evidence from his latest victim.
It’s going to be a long battle and the thought petrifies me but I will do this for my sons safety and hi emotional well being.
And your right he is unstable, narcissistic and controlling and his life is all about him and how he looks to others. The only reason he will fight for his child is to make him look good and for the control he thinks he will get.
Thanks again for your responses it’s so good to talk to people who understand how hard it is. Xx

[Tinydancer80]

If only I knew the answers……just take it as a compliment, smile sweetly and say no thank you😄
Keep them at arms length until your ready to become intimate with someone, you can even tell them from the start that you want to take things slow and if they’re still trying to jump into bed with you then I’d say they’re not worth wasting your time with.
Always be careful of the ones who want to move too fast, they’re the ones with a hidden agenda.
Good luck with it all, sorry I can’t be any help.😁

[Tinydancer80]

I have found being honest is the best policy but only when you feel comfortable enough in the new relationship to do so.
I found Claire’s law is a helpful tool to check someone out.
I have been in a new relationship for a few months now. He is very understanding and completely different to my abuser. I was very wary of getting close to someone new and if there was even the slightest hint of control I would walk away.
I met my new partner on a dating website but I take things very slow with him and have done from the start. Your past experiences will always have an impact on any new relationship but if he is worth keeping in your life then he will understand. Xx

[Tinydancer80]

Hi Mixed up mum,
I didn’t realise until very recently that my ex was sexually abusing me as well as physically and emotionally.
He never forced himself on me but he used to get me to to touch myself while he masturbated. I never felt comfortable with it but he would go on and on until I did it. All I wanted was for him to hold me and make love to me but he seemed to get far more pleasure out of making me do that so he could watch.
I think I thought because he never physically forced me to do it that it wasn’t sexual abuse but the more I read about other womans experiences the more I realise that this was just another aspect of his control. He didn’t care whether I was enjoying it or whether I wanted to do it he just cared about what he wanted.
I left him because of the violence and have been out of the relationship for a while now but until now I have never spoken about the sexual side of things.
I suppose because the violence was easier to see.
Thank you for posting about your experience it has given me the ability to see that my experience was wrong.
Xx

[Tinydancer80]

I had a non molestation order that ran out a while ago. It wasn’t worth the paper it was written on. He still made contact and when I told the police they said there was a word written in my non molestation order which meant they couldn’t do anything about it. I was very angry as it had cost me money to get the order issued to him.
Sometimes it feels as though the law doesn’t protect us.
I just want him out of our lives.
I know that he has rights as the father of our son but I just can’t sit back and watch him drag our little boy round to every new woman’s house every year and allow the little one to witness the abuse over and over again.
I want him to take me to court so it’s legally binding that my son lives with me because as it stands at the moment my ex has as much parental responsibility as me and can take little one and not return him. That’s a scary thought!
His ex partner has confided in me about the physical abuse she suffered with him and now he’s in yet another new relationship.
I wish his ex would give a statement to the police as he is still on probation and would probably be locked up for a while. But I understand why she is scared not to.
I’m at a loss!!

[Tinydancer80]

Hi Kip,
I have spoken to the police with regards the new evidence but I have been advised not to make a statement as it involves someone else who is not willing to make a statement themselves.
The police officer suggested that it wouldn’t be in mine or my sons best interests and said there is enough evidence already for him not to get overnight care of little one.
I’m just really scared about what will happen when he finds out I’m stopping contact with our son. He doesn’t even know about the new evidence and I can’t tell him because it will make someone else unsafe.
It’s all such a mess! I just want him out of our lives for good.

[Tinydancer80]

I had this with ex. I explained the situation to Vodafone and although they were understanding on the phone I was still responsible for the bill as it was in my name. They could only put the phone into his name if he contacted them and asked them to.
In the end I had the sim barred so he couldn’t make any out going calls and just continued to pay the bill until the end of the contract. You can ask them to send you a new SIM card and get the number on it changed with a crime reference number. That way you can use the contract on another phone.
Best of luck x

[Tinydancer80]

I have just stopped contact between the ex and my little one due to his standard of care. New gf always come first and I don’t trust him at all.
No doubt he will take me to court for access. I a, hoping and praying with all the evidence that he would get no access.
My little one is so much better off without a man like him in his life.

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