tittlemouse

[tittlemouse]

He is on bail at minute doing the usual it is all my fault if i didnt winde him up and that it didnt happen how i said he makes me start doubting myself i really wish ctv had been on and that way i wouldnt have to go but after 4 years of it i have had enough he wont except responsibility for his action at all i dont get why i feel so guilty when he is like he is i think i just feel guilty that if he goes to prison he will loose his job and that will effect his children as he pays maintenance i wish we could have a imput into what sentence they get cause i would curfew him so he can work but nothing else that way he wouldnt be able to keep coming round to mine and make he do a domestic violence cause and hope that would make him see that his behaviour is not acceptable xx i also panic that he going turn up drunk at my home and i will have to ring police and have him re arrested but i know i shouldnt feel guilty as he knows not to come near me terms of bail xx

[tittlemouse]

hi i am new the forum and very nervous i have had my iris worker for a while now and marac i have worked hard on starting to believe i dont make him do the things he does to me mentally and physically and i finally found the strength this week to end my dv relationship for good which has come with a barrage of threats but i am determined to stick this out cause i was a nervous wreck living on egg shells never knowing what mood he would be in i could be fast a sleep and the whole bed would get tipped on top of me he would leave his beer cans in a certain way and i knew i was in for it i got put on medication for my panic attacks and nerves and i was convinced it was my fault i even thought i was mentally un well x i dont think that the case now i am just a nervous wreck scared of my own shadow at times slightest noise i jump i am hoping my life is going to improve when he finally leaves me alone i do have option of refuge and moving but i would miss my house and probably get put in a bedsit or flat which is not what i want but i realise i might have to if this carrys on i am getting support from police and womans aid it is very hard and has took me a long time to find the courage to tell him i dont deserve it and it over just hoping he will get the message and leave me alone his last words to me were this is a warning only one your getting if i see you again you have had it so now i afraid to go out incase i see him but i will find strentgh eventually with support to get a life back with out dv in it x

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