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    • #12463
      TotallyHuman
      Participant

      Secondly I contacted Samaritans…
      I totally lost my head yesterday in the fear…
      I felt trapped and I felt like I wanted to end it…

      I feel so hopeless…

      just wanting to be invisible…

    • #12462
      TotallyHuman
      Participant

      Thank you all for getting back to me.

      It was hell last night.
      He was fighting with mum again, about a month ago they told me they were going to go their separate ways and from there didnt say anything else. But i could hear my mum saying “you’re being childish, stop trying to push me out of bed” and him saying “im not.” and then she got up and said “f**k you and f**k your solicitor”(?!?!?!?) and walked off. before that they were slamming doors and I think even my older brother was around to be caught in the cross fire.

      it went on into the early hours of the morning. I was shaking so bad. Oh man I havent slept. I’m so worried about my mum but i feel if i approach her about it she will tell me its nothing…

      I just want him to stop hurting us…

      my boyfriend told me i shut him out and he feels like hes smashing his head on a wall and not making a dent…emotions are a bad thing in my house… how do i explain how toxic this environment is? I try so hard to feel normal but i can’t relax and my moods are hectic…

      I had a look at the al-anon unfortunately the nearest one to me is quite far out…
      I probably sound like i am going in loops…
      I just try to get through each hour without a battle…

      I get told he’s abusive, but when i look at him and sit with him i just cant bring myself to believe it… its when he fights or shouts I remember … I feel physically ill when i think about it…

      I feel hopeless… I am not strong I have no backbone… I cant get away 🙁

    • #12383
      TotallyHuman
      Participant

      It scares me to leave.
      I picked up a copy of that book – I can relate some of the attributes to him, he doesn’t fully fit one category or another, is that normal?

      I am petrified to go back to my GP after being shamed for going for help last time and having CBT. I really cannot take the pain.

      The whole prospect of trying to get out frightens me…
      I know it sounds like I don’t want to help myself, But i have no back bone. I am so petrified.
      I just end up having panic attacks about the possible outcomes…

      I feel like I am in a viscous loop with no way out….

    • #12119
      TotallyHuman
      Participant

      I often have issues like this with my father. He often says things such as the “rape” comment to my mother and I often am offended or scared by some of the things he says to which I am told that he is just “teasing”

      If they cause you feelings of unsure or uneasy then clearly your gut is telling you something.
      Even if it turns out to simply just be “a joke” that sort of attitude can lead to other things. But Do not neglect those alarm bells ringing in your head!

      It’s probably best to keep document of what has been said, texts or write down after conversations or what not. If worst comes to worst and you need to report it – you’ll have evidence to help you get to safety and fast.

      Stay safe xx
      Keep us posted on how things go if you can x

    • #11161
      TotallyHuman
      Participant

      I’d also like to add how he often borrows my money and doesn’t pay it back. He always yells at me that I make a big deal out of it. I mean he borrows hundreds. He also threatens to smashes my personal items or threaten to take things away from me.

      He says its his house and he can do whatever he likes under its roof.

    • #11159
      TotallyHuman
      Participant

      Hi.. I was recommended to come here and I’d like some advice that doesn’t put me in the spotlight for backlash…

      My situation… is with my father.
      I can’t stand this man. Ever since I was small it has been constant name calling. When I got older things got so much worse. When I was a teenager my dad would ping bra on my back or say I had an “ass like Beyonce” I don’t really take that as a compliment. Then the name callings became swears, there were insults about my sex and stereotypes thrown my way. I was always made fun of me for liking what I wanted to like. I understand this is a while ago now but I feel I need to give backstory.

      So about (detail removed by Moderator) years ago my father actually physically slapped me and dragged me across the floor. If we ever get into an argument it usually ends up with him shouting and swearing at me which makes me go into panic and I cry.. A lot. And then its just “go on then, f**king break down, its funny”. I am meant to be a grown woman I still behave as if I am a child (Yes I have read the ToC and I am legal to be here). He often fought with my mother. Still does and they’re a lot worse than the ones from a few years ago. Lots of screaming lots of horrid words. often saying to my mother she is hysterical and he’s not “gone and raped” her so she should suck up and deal with a fight. One time he physically dragged her about and I have never seen her so broken. But she refuses to admit that he’s just hurting her.

      For me he often “teases” about my life or comments on it in a negative way. I feel like I cannot speak to him nor ask for anything. He genuinely scares the life out of me. But I still love him.

      Well the recent issue is… on a couple of occasions at least after midnight he has stumbled into my room whilst I have been in bed (I do not know if he’s drunk… but I can tell he has drank) and he’s been getting into my bed next to me (it’s a single bed) and he’s like put his arms around me like cuddling… Sometimes he pretends to sleep but he just lays there and I don’t know for how long. Last time he was talking about cheese?! and stroking my hair and it was really uneasy and uncomfortable for me. I am not a hugging person and neither is he. AND VERY RARELY do we hug each other. So this is not natural behaviour…

      I am scared to confront him and I have slightly mentioned it to my mother but she denies any “weirdness”…
      But I can’t help but feel incredibly freaked out.

      Last time I told anyone professional about my father they had told him without my consent (bad I know) and that was a whole (detail removed by Moderator) months or so of him interrogating me, shouting and shaming me.

      I mean I have no idea what to do. I don’t want to hurt my family, but I am so Incredibly scared…

    • #11328
      TotallyHuman
      Participant

      I’d really like to know about a refuge.
      Where I am – I am far away from relatives and when he takes my money I can’t even travel to them. I have work but I simply do not earn enough to leave as I am taking on a qualification and travelling to relatives would be impractical anyways.
      I also have no friends in which I can go to if need be. I feel rather trapped.

      I am pretty Naive to the world around me and what support there is.
      But I have been told I am not eligible for any benefits so leaving is very very difficult.
      But I do not finish my Qualification for some time. Until then I am rather stuck here. But no doubt once it is done I’ll be far away.

      I am so much happier when he is not around.
      Even my boyfriend notices that my mental health issues do not flare up as bad when my father is away.

      He is not healthy to be around….

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