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1st April 2021 at 8:48 am #124128TractorParticipant
Its been reported . Will see what they say , my experience with the police previously hasn’t been great , let’s hope they’ve improved in my area …
Its really got to me alot worse than I thought it would .
So sorry some of you have experienced it too . I think its hit me more because I really thought he was nice
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30th March 2021 at 2:00 pm #124018TractorParticipant
Thank you so much for your replies.
I was still awake at 3.30 am worrying about it. Ive emailed WA for advice too.
I’m so much stronger these days been out (detail removed by moderator) years and if this had happened even 12 months ago id have been in bits , but im a lot stronger but its still really affected me.
I think maybe see what the police say and have any history about him and even if I don’t decide to go forward atleast they know about it.
I am really embarrassed and feel violated.
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5th October 2019 at 3:26 pm #89237TractorParticipant
DIYmum I love your name! Well done you going it alone. I have actually thought this whether it’s worth the stress …
Hi kip ! I live extremely close to him but have just bought a house so I should be moved very soon which should really help things as it’s so hard seeing him so much . I also sometimes question myself and think it’s me. I need to write a list of incidents. Hes just bought yet another new (detail removed by moderator) do must have money coming in x
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4th October 2019 at 7:42 pm #89204TractorParticipant
Hi Fortis
I haven’t been on here for ages. I’m not the best at advice but just wanted to say from what you said above it certainly sounds abusive, both emotionally and financially . Have you tried ringing the helpline ? They are amazing at giving advice .
He sounds like he trying to justify his behavior by deflecting it away from himself and blaming you?
As I said the helpline are really good id definitely recommend giving them a ring .
XXX
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9th September 2018 at 10:22 pm #63839TractorParticipant
JaneEyre
Well done on getting out ! The start of the road to recovery ! We can do this!
X
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9th September 2018 at 7:55 am #63799TractorParticipant
Hi kip I remember your posts. Well done to you for leaving. Feel a bit down today but know from experience now you have to ride it out few hours feel different again.
Twisted sister the gas lighting is the worst so cruel x
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8th September 2018 at 12:04 pm #63725TractorParticipant
Amazing ! Well done you x x
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20th June 2018 at 9:21 pm #60217TractorParticipant
Hi freedom
Thank you so much for your reply! You are right we are all very critical of ourselves and forgot how far we’ve come and how strong we’ve grown.
Since writing this I’ve spoke
To Cafcass who are writing the reports I’ve actually told him what I did and advised it was a reaction and exactly the reason why an order needs to be made. He’d already done background checks and told me his conviction even before me so in the grand scheme of things me having a dig about him not turning up is minor .Just wish I could be finally free it’s years on and he’s still making me feel ill . . .
In regards to going he’s made it easy for me tried to discuss her not wanting to go he (detail removed by moderator) So she’s said she’s not going again . Sad she says he doesn’t feel like a dad and (detail removed by moderator).
Thank you so much x
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17th June 2018 at 11:00 am #59939TractorParticipant
Hi mum@pop
how bad are the doors? can you not fill them and paint them ?
they should actually have a repairs policy , vulnerable persons policy, domestic abuse and safeguarding policy. I would suggest that you put in writing your situation regarding your health and ask for a copy of their policies – within there somewhere it will mention about non recharges if its a DV incident etc . Did you report of it to thepolice ? if so provide the crime reference numbers . Do you have any support workers ? also ask them to write to them on your behalf , also ask the MP to support you.
Good luck and well done for having the strength to not have your son back. xxx
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1st May 2018 at 8:37 pm #57841TractorParticipant
Tiffany great to see its still going well! Really happy for you. It must be awful for you when even further realisation sets in at how much abuse you were put through . You are in a really good place now and you can be proud of yourself . X x
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26th April 2018 at 9:16 pm #57618TractorParticipant
Evening!
Sunshine my days you sound like you have just described me! Exactly the type of man I’m attracted to . I feel like I’m addict to contact with him. Working on finding a new house selling mine as live very close so hoping that helps. Massive good luck with your therapy. I am going to start mine again too.
Hey kip good to hear from you how’s things your end? I’m defo starting to develop the right attractions was watching dinner date and the first one I would normally be attracted to but I spotted the red spots and number two had so much more to him and I reckon he could grow on me! X
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25th April 2018 at 8:06 pm #57588TractorParticipant
Ahh Tiffany , you bring hope to us all. Really happy for you! x
Maddog, have you tried counselling previously? You had loads to live for and look forward to , you just need to (when you are ready) spread those wings and make that step of leaving . You have a future ahead of you and will have all those things. You’ve come so far now keep going . You can do this ! hardest bit is accepting its abuse x
Sunshine rainflower, I do remember having one lovely boyfriend too but zero attraction I look back and wish I could have made myself attracted … I feel so nervous and unsure of myself at the minyte , still need to end this with him properly. We no longer live together , don’t sleep together just spend time with the kids but I know that I am just holding onto something I know isn’t right , maybe fear of being alone . Hes nice now as not living together but as you say those red flag warnings keep on popping up and I know hes not changed. Hes nothing like my violent ex husband hes more emotional and a brilliant gas lighter and manipulator …Ive discovered you tube been watching stuff on gas lighting so will look at healthy relationships tonight . thank you for your advice xx
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24th April 2018 at 7:39 pm #57537TractorParticipant
Abuse! Not cause stupid phone x x
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24th April 2018 at 7:39 pm #57536TractorParticipant
Hi mad dog
Nice to hear from you ! It’s good that you have done the project and building yourself up for when you feel ready to leave . I’ve read the book about the free dom project and also the one why does he do that by lundy bancroft so I know wwhat it looks like on paper just wish I could experience it so I know I think I need to work on my self esteem and confidence I’m feeling like the whole world is full of abusive men right now ! I’m still back and fourth with my abuser he’s a major gas lighter I know it but can’t seem to kick him away for good!
Tiffany ! I’m made up for you how lovely would you mind me asking if you told him about your cause? I never know whether it’s something to share with a new partner? I’m so nervous about dipping my toes back in ! X
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17th March 2018 at 11:50 am #56003TractorParticipant
Hi enofadov
Having children defo makes you stronger and I think makes you feel guilty that they are being brought up where their mother is being abused we know it’s wrong and not acceptable.
My mum is like yours makes comments like well you’re no saint etc etc. They don’t understand abuse as the girls above say projection gas lighting physical and sexual violence.
The answer is yes you should leave but as we all know on here it’s so easy to say it but not easy to do it . You have to build yourself up do it when you feel ready. I’d defo ring the helpline about doing a plan and seeking legal advice I’m so pleased you are financially stable that’s one less worry for you .
You’re in the right place here wishing on all the luck in the world x x
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