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    • #37456
      Treetops
      Participant

      Update. I saw a solicitor and he advised the same, get out of the entanglement Asap. I am going to sell my house but can’t do it until the summer as my youngest is in an important school year and don’t want to disrupt him. My partner is now paying half the mortgage thankfully and has repaid the money he owed me and had a word with the parking fine company. So that’s all good. The problem now is I just don’t know where my relationship is going or indeed if I still have one. I don’t want to throw away a good relationship due to his mixed up son but cannot live with his son at the moment or put my kids through that. His son however is late teen and near an age where he will soon be an adult. I see my partner maybe once or twice a week or talk on the phone about practical stuff (he says it’s too painful for him to talk about his emotions at the moment and I’ve not pushed it as I’m not clear on mine yet either). He tells me to be patient. We’ve been to the cinema and had a drink and he’s come to get some stuff and we’ve been decent to each other but he flinches if I come near him. Which makes me feel sick. He doesn’t reply if I say I miss him. We were planning to get married (detail removed by Moderator) and I love him and know without doubt he loves me.

    • #36310
      Treetops
      Participant

      I agree with you kip but I can sort of see why he wants to put his son first as his son felt abandoned by him when he left his wife. which parent wouldn’t put their child first? He makes excuses for his son saying he’s depressed etc which he is but as we all know that doesn’t excuse violence. Tbh I’m in a right mess now as we had just remortgaged my house together and he is now on the deeds of my house. I’ve had bailiffs at the door intimidating me last week as he has a parking fine which he didn’t pay and is now run up to a grand in charges. They have moved out and I’m not sure if I can afford the mortgage payments now on my own and he has left me with money owing. Although he promises me he will pay this and the first mortgage payment

    • #27111
      Treetops
      Participant

      He didn’t learn it from his dad that’s for sure. I’ve been studying this man for nearly (detail removed by Moderator) years. I have observed the mums abusive and manipulative tactics though. She has controlled access, put his dad down in front of him, constant ‘cr*p dad’ messages, blows up and has a tantrum whenever she doesn’t get her own way and made her son feel bad whenever he spends time with us. I’m not surprised if she hit him if he was being intimidating but I’m also not surprised he is retaliating and has made himself ‘out of control’!

    • #27103
      Treetops
      Participant

      Update. Children’s services have been involved as they were called by the doctor dealing with my stepsons depression. My partner has had conversations with his ex wife who says he has been intimidating and aggressive with her and his two sisters for a long time. My partner has told me that he will tell the Children’s services of his behaviour and his intimidating behaviours with me and with him. Things have calmed a little as my partner has told his son he is a bully, I don’t know what else he said to him but snap his behaviour changed overnight. Jekyll and Hyde. Over the weekend he has been playing computer games with my kids and going on dog walks with them plus having dinner with us and chatting in the living room, giving his dad hugs etc???? Wtf??? I’m left with extreme entirety, nightmares, heart palpitations, not sleeping, basically not feeling safe. Question?? Im considering calling the children’s services myself and giving them my account of the situation. As although my partner has said he will tell them he cannot really express the fear that I feel and of course he will want to protect his son. Should I call them myself? Or just leave the process to work itself out?

    • #26680
      Treetops
      Participant

      Hi Newchapter and welcome! Thank you for your reply. I think that is what this site is for sharing experiences and insights, so thank you for telling me about your situation. I totally sympathise and you did the right thing in calling the police. I’ve told my partner I would do the same to his son if he ever intimidated me like that again. I don’t know how old your child is but I think they make their own choices to be a certain way or not. I’ve been abused and also grown up with abuse and although it makes me sad, angry, frustrated etc I DO NOT lash out at others. Their behaviour is abusive, no excuses. I really fear for my stepsons future as he seems to have a string of girls around him. One of them confided in me that he is mean to her. I don’t know what they see in him tbh but He chooses when to show his attractive qualities to them and when not! i think it’s vital that their behaviour is not accepted. But I’m certain that this would have been a difficult thing for you to do to call the police. Please keep posting here. This site has helped me so much and given me the confidence over the years to deal with situations as they arise.

    • #26297
      Treetops
      Participant

      You are right. And it makes me wonder if some of the issues with his mum were because he was intimidating her. He has said she was very controlling but perhaps because he is so out of control? I have told my partner I won’t live with abuse and if it comes to it then I would rather lose him than put up with that again. My partner has been very supportive about it and agrees. In my head I’m preparing to give stepson a little time to sort himself out if he can and then reevaluate the situation if things don’t calm down.

    • #26261
      Treetops
      Participant

      I will lose my partner then. If my step son leaves then he has nowhere to go and my partner will have to move out too. I do not want to lose my partner. We are planning a Wedding next summer. The doc has said he has to alert the social services as apparently the mother has been hitting him for a long time before this all blew up.

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