ultraviolet

[ultraviolet]

I felt awful – I couldn’t tell him I was leaving. I was scared but I had read the books and knew in my heart it was the right thing to do. I got out as many of my things as I could beforehand – this made me feel a bit better but I wasn’t prepared for how terrified I felt when it came to it. I knew there was a chance he would destroy anything precious I left behind so a bit of planning helped me with this. I can’t tell you how bad I felt – but I also knew, deep down, that It was right for me. I was lucky that I knew when he would be out of the house and I took with me what I knew he would miss if I had taken it out of the house before, then I Fled. I had to leave my two elderly dogs behind, it was heartbreaking, but I had to save myself. It’s been (detail removed by moderator) now and its still painful but it was absolutely the right thing to do.

[ultraviolet]

Oh thank you so much for posting this, I have my first appointment at (detail removed by moderator) and my anxiety has been off the scale all day, even though I have the full support of my GP and caseworker at the local women centre. I only work (detail removed by moderator) a week,largely because my husband has threatened me with all sorts, every time I got a full-time job, it just wasn’t worth the arguments and threats.

Wish me luck, I hope I get as good and kind reaction as you did.

Many thanks XXX

[ultraviolet]

I’m experiencing this right now! I’m leaving next week and I have as many ducks in a row as I can, but I’m still terrified, guilty, anxious, stressed etc. Its more about the fall-out from him than anything else as he can be violent but also very manipulative. I have the support from our daughters who have literally fallen over themselves to help me, they are so desperate for me to be free, free to be a proper mother again, they are both adults. I keep having panic attacks and such a feeling of guilt about leaving, sometimes its overwhelming. I have to keep reminding myself what he is really like, and the terrible things he has said and done to me over the years, and continues to do every single day. I just want to sit in front of the mirror in the morning and look at myself without thinking – ‘its not worth putting any makeup on today, as i’ll be crying with either pain, frustration or both, by lunch time’.

This is not the first time I’ve left, even after hospitalising me last time, but it really is going to be the last. I have a lovely granddaughter now, who he has never even met, because of his refusal to let go of the control he so desperately wants over all of us. Our daughters cut him off months ago when the baby was born, and I’ve finally realised if I want a normal, loving and wholesome relationship with my granddaughter and daughters, I have to leave, as he is never going to let that happen.

I feel ashamed that I have put our daughters through so much by staying with him for so many years and even today, when I was surreptitiously packing some things while he was out, it just didn’t feel real, it didn’t feel like I was actually going to go through with it – but I am, I’ve promised them, and myself, and my lovely granddaughter – this time I will leave, as I have so much more to lose than gain and I just have to continuously bring that to the forefront of my mind when I’m feeling a bit shaky.

My other remedy is to come on here and and read other peoples stories – that brings it home with full force that I’m doing the right thing.

[ultraviolet]

I’m experiencing this right now! I’m leaving next week and I have as many ducks in a row as I can, but I’m still terrified, guilty, anxious, stressed etc. Its more about the fall-out from him than anything else as he can be violent but also very manipulative. I have the support from our daughters who have literally fallen over themselves to help me, they are so desperate for me to be free, free to be a proper mother again, they are both adults. I keep having panic attacks and such a feeling of guilt about leaving, sometimes its overwhelming. I have to keep reminding myself what he is really like, and the terrible things he has said and done to me over the years, and continues to do every single day. I just want to sit in front of the mirror in the morning and look at myself without thinking – ‘its not worth putting any makeup on today, as i’ll be crying with either pain, frustration or both, by lunch time’.

This is not the first time I’ve left, even after hospitalising me last time, but it really is going to be the last. I have a lovely granddaughter now, who he has never even met, because of his refusal to let go of the control he so desperately wants over all of us. Our daughters cut him off months ago when the baby was born, and I’ve finally realised if I want a normal, loving and wholesome relationship with my granddaughter and daughters, I have to leave, as he is never going to let that happen.

I feel ashamed that I have put our daughters through so much by staying with him for so many years and even today, when I was surreptitiously packing some things while he was out, it just didn’t feel real, it didn’t feel like I was actually going to go through with it – but I am, I’ve promised them, and myself, and my lovely granddaughter – this time I will leave, as I have so much more to lose than gain and I just have to continuously bring that to the forefront of my mind when I’m feeling a bit shaky.

My other remedy is to come on and and read other peoples stories – that brings it home with full force that I’m doing the right thing.

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