Hoovering

Hi there Hope123,

Here’s a kick up the bum along with a pat on the back 🙂

You’re clearly recognising the signs and not prepared to fall for this c**k and bull story any more, hope you’ve unplugged his hoover. Actually, go one better – cut the plug off!

Yeap same here. Mine has gone one even better. He said that if he promises to sleep on the sofa would I come back. I wonder how long it would be until he forgot his promise lol

We just need to stay strong and not manipulated

I’m on the receiving end and I really am trying to understand
I have gone no contact for lesss than a week and I get emails. as I am not replying the threat is that they will never speak to me again since I “am showing this is over and I moved on”

I feel so bad as if I should answer cause I’m scared. Why do I feel scared of losing someone that is so bad for me?

Emails or texts from an ex can feel like grenades. I remember how they made me feel, keeping me from sleep and work. I imagined him waiting anxiously for my reply, as torn up as I was. Probably the reality was very different. Probably he threw the grenade then went out to the pub, or on holiday, or sent a text to the new love interest.

Going no contact is a one sided decision. That means you’re the one who has to do the hard work of not reacting. Luckily it does get easier with time as generally speaking they are lazy.

Hope123, Survivorabuse, Ineedsomeadviseplease

Hi, hang in there.
Can you block numbers, emails? if you can’t do this, can you get new numbers, email addresses?
Does there need to be any contact with your perpetrator? If so, can a third party do this, e.g. solicitor, trusted family, or friend? In early days before changing my phone, I got friends to screen messages, I didn’t look at them until I had someone present with me – Who could be trusted NOT to encourage me to return, or get in contact under ANY circumstances.
I know that WA doesn’t tell you what to do when leaving but they do advise no contact, things like block or change numbers if you need to. This may be hard but it is necessary to give you breathing space and to start healing, to avoid the hoovering. I guess keeping in contact, or even just reading over messages is like picking at an old scab, or a wound that’s just starting to heal maybe. It is also setting boundaries I guess, you are taking a stand in not letting him into your new space. Starting as you mean to go on.
You asked why it is so hard I think? They make it so you are dependent on them, you can’t think, or function without them. So in walking away, you have to relearn all of this.
You are very brave, you are out and this is a massive step and achievement.
It is possibly worth checking in with your GP if you find that you are struggling, which it would be completely understandable if you were/are. It takes such a lot to build the strength to get out and then dealing with the aftermath. Please don’t be afraid to seek support if you feel that it might help.
Hope this helps, hope I’m not speaking out of turn.
Take care all

Soulsearcher18