Sexual abuse?

Hello, hellohellohello,

Yes it is, absolutely. You do not have to put up with this, just because you are a couple does not mean he is entitled to pester you for sex whenever he wants. Just put aside for one moment that he is your partner and imagine that you are standing at a bus stop and a stranger approaches you and pesters you for sex, it’s not right is it? It’s not acceptable under any circumstances.

This is part of Coercive and Controlling Behaviour, perhaps the Induce Debilitation and Exhaustion category. He goes on and on and on until you finally give in. I wonder how many of us on here have actually given in and had sex to just shut him up, or know if his needs are satisfied then we may get an easier life for the next few days? After all, it’s easier to just get it over with in a few minutes than spend hours trying to justify why we don’t want to have sex with him. It may not be classified as rape in these circumstances as the issues around consent will be a very grey area, but it’s also not willing love making from both sides. If we don’t want sex with him, and doing so is uncomfortable and unenjoyable then we have the right to say no. For most of us women, we need to feel loved, appreciated, valued, cared for, wanted, and feel attractive in order to make love to our man, it’s far more than a physical act. Abusers feel entitled to sex at any time. He can’t see that by calling us names, putting us down, telling us we’re fat / useless / ugly etc, using violence against us, would lead us to not wanting loving intimacy with him.

This is again a Controlling and Coercive Behaviour tactic (Threats, Degradation) to make you feel bad, and hopefully give in to him in the hope that he won’t do that. It is incredibly manipulative and spiteful (as these men are.) Please do not feel you need to appease him sexually under these threats. If he does go ahead with this option, this puts you at risk of a STI in future, so you may feel even more afraid to have sex with him, and this could lead to you being raped if he was to force himself on you. Have you mentioned these incidents in your Occupation Order application? I see that you have applied for one in another of your posts. Well done for taking that initiative, I really hope you are successful. Any idea when this is due to be heard?