Friend making me confused

Yes, I have had this .. friends saying marriage is hard work , can’t just give up , once a friend said to me , has your husband got any stress relief does he play sport etc , almost as if to say he throws things as he needs to have something to take his stress out on 😔
X

We get so confused but only we know our relationship , I didn’t trust my own thoughts and constantly needed validation , but we don’t need this , out gut tells us we are right .
Remember how awful he makes u feel x

She has no idea about domestic abuse and coercive control. I met some people like this so I’m afraid I had to keep them out my life for quite some time. You’re still very vulnerable. Surround yourself only with positive people who understand. She’s triggered those feelings because of the abuse which kind of proves your point that you have been abused x have you written a list of all the abusive things he’s done from day 1? It helps to keep focussed on the harm the abuse does. Our minds want to push happy thoughts to the front because it’s protecting us from the pain of the abuse. I have the most awful memory of him hurting a pet and when I start to doubt myself I remember that. Think of the worst thing he did to you and then ask if you still doubt yourself x

Don’t try to understand others. They simply don’t have the knowledge you have. Many people minimise and don’t want to face the fact that abuse is rife. It doesn’t reflect on you at all. You’re still very vulnerable and I remember those days. My own family victim blamed me. I was raped and assaulted and abused over decades, he had a criminal conviction for same yet he played the victim and I was blamed for daring to go to the police and expose his abuse. Sometimes it’s easier to side with an abuser, especially where it’s kids as they also fear being targeted by the abuser. So there are many reason why people don’t understand or choose not to. Don’t let her ruin your day. You’re not responsible for her actions. Just be glad that you have the knowledge now to help others and not minimise. Those feeling that she brought back up will be making you anxious too. It will pass. My best friend of decades who knew about the marital rapes simply normalised it. Which made me think I was over reacting. Have faith in your own judgement. Imagine him doing those things to a close friend or family member. It’s wrong, it’s illegal and you don’t need to justify your decision to anyone x and you dint need their validation to know it was abuse and you’re doing the right thing x

It’s horrible when people side with the abuser. It’s a shock and a body blow. I have been getting quite cross with a very old friend for telling me I knew a long time ago things which I didn’t know until far more recently. Although domestic abuse is so common, so many people can’t believe that people behave the way abusers behave. They don’t want to recognise the patterns that may be in their own relationships.

Keep learning about domestic abuse. Abusers follow the same patterns. KIP is so right about people normalising abnormal behaviour. It’s really shocking when the fog rises and we can see clearly.

Hold your head high. Divorce is awful, especially with an abuser. Please make sure you legal counsel recognises coercive control, and your husband will probably lie through his teeth.

Hi Beautifulday,

I hope you’re feeling a bit better. Your ‘friend’ reminded me of something. My dad had died. A friend cornered me, said something like ‘Sorry about your dad, did you know Rex died, we’re devastated, here’s some pictures of where we buried him, blah, blah, blah…’

Rex was her dog.

Some people are oblivious to the harm they cause with their words. They are opinionated, self-righteous and usually self-absorbed. We shouldn’t give a moment’s thought to a single thing that comes out of their mouths.