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Hi, I feel like I am posting here a lot, but helps me get some perspective.
In the past I have had sex with my husband to placate his mood, there is a direct correlation between us sleeping together and his bad mood.
Yesterday he sent a message (text) to me asking me to have sex, I didn’t want to, and told him that when we went to bed.
He turned over in a big huff but seemed to go to sleep but as soon as I lay down he was up and questioning me as to why I said no, telling me he felt hurt, that of made him feel stupid and pathetic, he said he can’t sleep now….
He stomped off downstairs and came back stinking of (detail removed by moderator), he said he’d drunk as it was the only way he get to sleep. Then he carried on questioning me for another hour stopping me sleeping.I’d made a decision not to have sex with him if he’d tried to guilt me into it or because he was sulking or angry…. but maybe o should just go along with it for an easier life.
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Hi
I’ve been experiencing the same thing. Sex is the last thing I want with a man who speaks to me like he does. He also goes in a mood and I think shall I just do it so he’s not as horrible. But surly that is also abuse. We are doing something that we don’t really want to just to please someone who doesn’t deserve to be pleased. Stay strong. We are all here for you x -
I had this for decades. Sleep deprivation until I agreed to have sex. Keeping me awake for hours and hours until I was exhausted. Waking ex early in the morning. Storming off in a mood intimidating me. Waking me during the night raging. Rape. Look at the video from Thames Valley Police called A Cup of Tea.
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I have had only one abusive relationship and it’s also the only one where I have been pressured for sex. I don’t think that’s a coincidence. I think it’s a sign of a very unhealthy relationship when it happens.
Abusers tend to lead sexless lives because women don’t want to be intimate in an unsafe environment. These abusive men only get sex by either coercion or guilt tripping their partners.
What a horrible existence (for us). -
I think this must be very common. It’s a horrible choice to make: feel used by doing it or face the fall out from not doing it. I definitely noticed the hostility increase from my husband since I mostly stopped having any sexual contact with him (which TBH I’ve only managed to avoid giving in since deciding to leave). If I said anything he’d always say it was fine for me to say no but his behaviour towards me told a different story.
And then there’s also the issue of not enjoying it enough or not making enough effort to get into it.. like it’s easy to enjoy something you don’t want to do because you’re being treated like c**p.
I guess there’s a lot going on for the abuser: control, believing we’re there to meet their every need, rejection and confusion because they don’t acknowledge the impact of the abuse so can’t understand why we wouldn’t want to.
It’s such a horrible part of the abuse because it feels so one sided and exploitative. Gives me shivers thinking about it! Xxxx
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I just had a bit of an aha moment. I was thinking why would you want to have sex with someone who isn’t 100% willing and the fact that they do makes my my stomach turn. Then I thought the whole f-ing “relationship” is like that – they’re happy that they get what they want even though we’re not willing participants.
I known that realisation is pretty obvious, but comparing the non-sex stuff to sex made me see it in a different light. It seems to highlight the selfishness, lack of empathy and exploitation from the abuser. Xxxx
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