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I don’t know what to do. My husband has been swinging back and forth for days between ignoring mr, accusing me, then being nice to me. Ive got to the point where I just dont want to be around him. He has picked up on this and kept pushing me, asking why i want nothing to do with him but am happy to go to (removed by moderator) to meet men (this is all his in head!) So i ended up telling him that i cant give him what he wants and the children and i are not relocating with him. I wasnt ready to tell him this yet as im not strong enough for what is to come. He will pile loads of guilt and responsibility onto me because he knows i cant handle it. We have a business together and it is likely he will walk away and leave me to pick up the pieces. I know nothing about the trade (removed by moderator). We have staff and clients to take care of. I have (removed by moderator) children (removed by moderator) and no money. He knows im vunerable and will use this to his advantage. I feel like this is the end but im not prepared. He wants to talk when he gets home. Its only because ive said i cant give him what he wants that he suddenly wants to talk. Ive been trying to talk to him for years about what the children and i need but he never listens
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Good morning beautiful Angel,
It’s no wonder that you are feeling over loaded by all these thoughts and although they are very real and very valid and they all matter, you need to break them down before they completely flood your brain.
You are more than capable of doing anything, living on your own with your children, running a business, whatever you need to do, you can do it. So start to believe this and use this as your power and motivation.
However, one step at a time, your priority is getting yourself and your children into a situation where the environment is calm and healthy … away from this man.
I would suggest sitting down and writing a very practical list of everything this would involve and prioritise what needs to come first.
Get your foundations set and the rest will fall into place.
You may not know how now, but they have a way of working things out.
If you have staff, use them, start to delegate and get their support. Be honest with clients about what is going on, people respect this and the ones worth keeping will stand by you.
Facing things head on is the best solution, not dealing with things only makes things worse, and you might even find you know more than you thought.
”What you resist persists”
I know it’s very difficult when you are feeling so low and the last thing you want to think about but please try and do as much self care and give yourself as my self love as you can, even if it just a 10 min bubble bath at night or to get up 10 mins early and sit quietly with your thoughts.
Eat clean and stay away from any alcohol, sugar and caffeine, this will just make you feel worse. Get out in nature and the fresh air if you can. Today is a great day to go out and let that wind blow away all the cobwebs and make you feel alive again inside. Feel that fire in your belly.
You are not alone and you have an inner strength that once you fire up, will even surprise you how tough you can be.
Use the forum for support … I believe you have got this. Stand in your power
Sending you continued love and support
Darcy xx-
Darcy,
Thank you so much for providing me with strength and encouragement. I have no idea where it came from but I knew it was now or never. I’m so tired of going round in circles and knowing there will never be an end to this unless I end it. So I did just that. I told him its over and even with the begging that he would get help and would compromise on moving I stood my ground. My head and emotions are a mess and I have a lot to deal with, but I realise I have been waiting for this moment for half of my life.
Thank you again so much x -
Wow that’s amazing… well done you.
Be aware now that you will have wobbles but what you have done has set the wheels in motion for your new life ahead.
Get grounded and rooted, this is the most important thing you can do so when he comes at you, you will be ready for him and you will stand your ground.
Start pouring self love into you to so you can strengthen your boundaries and know your worth. I always recommend reading or listening to Louise Hay, You Can Heal Your Life for this.
More than anything though, be kind and gentle to yourself as I am sure you must be feeling extremely stressed and in shock. Watch out for the self saboteur in you as it will also raise it’s ugly head, so be ready for this!
However, you have done the hard part and now.
You are a beautiful strong women standing in your power
I am so proud of you xx
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Wow, you’re amazing! Keep being strong and make getting good a solicitor your priority. It’s worrying that you say you have no money of your own as well as a shared business. You must work quickly to understand and deal with your finances. Probably you need to get an accountant to audit your business. You don’t want to be left with a load of debt.
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Hi Camel. No im not amazing. I thought I was strong enough to do this, but I couldnt go through with it. I was totally unprepared for the excruciating pain and guilt i felt. I realise now that im going through a process and i had missed several important steps which are vital to being able to go through with it. He was talking about suicide etc and i know this is all part of the control but i couldnt handle it. I feel like ive let myself and my children down but i also know that it is all part of me gaining strength. I have put down many boundaries since agreeing not to leave yet and so far these are being respected. He has said that he is going to attend a perpatrators programme but im still very doubful. At least i finally see that i am not the problem, i am good enough and its not all in my head and thats a big sstep for me x
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You are now seeing a way through and though it may take time you will get there. Trust yourself, educate yourself, take good care of yourself and get whatever support you can. Xx
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Sorry for the late reply, been offline for a while.
You are strong, believe me. You have to be to shoulder all this aggravation and upset, day in, day out.
You’re right to take things at your own pace. If you haven’t found support yet, please do. Abusers are clever manipulators and make us question our own minds.
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Beachhut,
Thank you for your words, for making me realise that I have nothing to feel guilty for. It is one of my biggest struggles as I always do to please or help others. But I know that in doing so Im not being true to myself or my children. The future looks scary for now, but I can also see love and happiness with my children is not too far away xx
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