Coercive control – police support and/or criminal consequences

Hi there, a lot depends on the evidence the police can gather. If he’s harassing you they can intervene and arrest him for harrassment and stalking behaviour or if he’s arrested they can impose bail conditions to prevent contact. I’d get in touch with women’s aid or victim support and talk it through. The coercive control laws are fairly new and your need the domestic abuse unit to fully investigate and apply those laws. I’ve been through the court process and it’s really not easy but I found I needed to Do it for my own closure. Even if there isn’t enough evidence, you’ve done what you can to hold him accountable. I’d use a third party for all contact from now on and cut him out the loop. Any direct contact with these men is toxic and allows abuse and control.

Get back in touch with the police and find out what happened the last time they had contact with him when you made the complaint. Was he arrested? Did they give him a formal warning? That report may help you with a civil order. A non molestation order if the criminal route isn’t suitable x

Hi,
I was in a similar situation considering my options a while ago. Coercive control is all over the news and talked up by police and DA agencies. Reality though is only about 4% of cases reported to the police make it to court and the overwhelming majority of those are tagged on to physical assaults.
Main issue is evidence. Simply one person’s word against another is not enough for police to proceed. In your case you also have a lapse of time so that will make evidence gathering harder. A court will also look at how he has behaved subsequent to the ending of the relationship. If that has not been abusive then that will mitigate in his favour.
If he is being threatening now then KIP is completely correct and you should seek advice on how to protect yourself with a non molestation order etc. If he is not threatening or abusive now, then weigh everything up. If reporting him now will actually create problems then is it worth the emotional upset and stress if you donot have the evidence for the police to proceed? It is a personal decision, but just examine why you want to report at this stage, what will happen as a result and whether you want the stress.
In my case, just as an example in case it helps you, I had years of extremely serious coercive control, which finally ended earlier this year. I expected to die at his hands every day, I have a large amount of evidence, I have suffered a mental health collapse with PTSD etc as a result of his actions. My motivation in reporting him was the fact he has caused me so much damage and he is a real danger to others. I rang 101 to report and no one has even bothered to contact me or see me. Its very disappointing.
Whatever you decide make sure you have the resilience to deal with the police supporting you or being unable to assist you.
Good luck.

Hi All,
I think I need to share my experience as I have nobody who would understand me really. I’m living in t this city alone cause I moved to here for him (detail removed by Moderator) ago with my (detail removed by Moderator) years old son. My family living in another country. I wont never tell them how I was treated as I used to be always that "strong" one? Well....I cant feel enough interest from my family side. So basically I was with my abusive partner (detail removed by Moderator) years in total. Everything started great. He helped me to move to this bigger city. He took me to his country and wanted to engage me but his family refused me due to cultural differences. We carried our relationship anyway. He proposed me in (detail removed by Moderator). Since, I moved and we started live together i was told things I never been told by my worst enemy even. I was called names, I been told that I’m nobody his family will never accept single mother, that I’m old and I’m nothing. He told that my son will be low skilled worker as (detail removed by Moderator). He been using very abusive nasty words like bi..ch…prost…tude etc. One day he told he were going to work but he went to see his friend instead. When he came back I asked him where he been so then exploded o me. He snapped my face (detail removed by Moderator), pushed me, throw in my direction items and he took a (detail removed by Moderator) and wanted approach to me. My son was screaming and he called police. My ex partner called police as well telling them that I’m disturbing him and don’t want to move out from his house (tenancy was for us both). He cancelled that tenancy and told me move out within (detail removed by Moderator). Later he apologized me saying that he was angry and he loves so much and we need to search a new house. I forgave him. We found a new house. After (detail removed by Moderator) he started again. He was saying that he will kick me out from his house ( we have joint tenancy) and he will destroy my life. He started looking for solicitors. Then again he apologized me. Few days were ok. Then again he started being abusive saying that he not enjoying anything with me . One day later he said: look I’m younger (detail removed by Moderator) years than you and you will be almost (detail removed by Moderator) and I don’t need. He moved out. There are only few examples of his behavior. Sometimes I was like walking on eggshells. Im psychologically devastated and emotionally I'm ruined. Cant even work . I'm in isolation and working from home so it is double difficult for me to manage my toxic home life with work duties. I'm hoping he will never ever try to damage me anymore. Hopefully he wont come back to …to this house. Now Im in this house and waiting until this tenancy will terminate ( (detail removed by Moderator) months left). There is no break clause in this agreement unfortunately. He asked to pay half rent otherwise he will tell I'm not paying to agency. He used to say to me that Im lowering his quality life and Im eating his money. I used to give money for house. when he had good mood he used to buy me stuff and even facial treatments. He said that his family hate me and his friends as well. I tried to record him and have some photos too. Also I managed to get statement from social worker after that incident with police. Im afraid now that he will be back and tell me his sweet lies and will try to recompense me it with shopping etc. What will you do in my case?

Thanks