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My abusive ex cheated, he at one stage gave me an STD… something I was never allowed to talk about and if I did would end up in physical violence. I wanted him so much but I don’t understand why. I felt like I was so easily replaced and it’s something that still hurts. Not only the cheating but why hurt me for being upset or even asking about it?
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Not being heard validated and acknowledged is very bad for mental health. It’s how abusers control. It’s gaslighting. It makes us feel we are the wrong one. And the aggression whenever you talk about something he doesn’t want to talk about is another form of control. It’s teaching you that you will be punished and that leaves you anxious. Abusers don’t form bonds like we do. They are shallow individuals to live like parasites from one host to another. His behaviour has no reflection on you. If anything he probably chose you because you were a kind loving person he could manipulate. As painful as it is you can learn from this experience. The more cruel my abuser was to me the harder I tried to make things work. Google trauma bonding and the cycle of abuse. The power and control wheel. Read Healing From Hidden Abuse by Shannon Thomas x you will get past this and there will come a time when he’s just a distant memory like a bad smell. Good riddance to bad rubbish x
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