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Hi.
I finally got myself to start online dating, even though I don´t believe in it. I find it difficult to trust and open up again. It´s been over a year since I last saw my ex-husband.
I met with a guy yesterday. The date lasted longer than expected (from midday to late evening). I have to admit to myself that I really like him. However I was ´observing´ myself almost the entire time. He was very open, relaxed and seems like a nice person. I noticed that I was uncomfortable with my body, feeling tight muscles and couldn´t properly relax. However I enjoyed talking to him and we had a nice fluid conversation. At the end of the day he kissed me on a cheek. Now I am feeling anxious as I would like to keep seeing him, but at the same time I am afraid. I am afraid of being rejected and I am afraid how it might work out. This was a first date after my abusive marriage. I feel lost, I don´t know how to do this anymore. I am afraid I will not be able to fully open up and trust ever again.
Am I overreacting with my overthinking? Does anybody have similar experience? -
Have you done the Freedom Programme or had any kind of therapy. For me it sounds too soon for you. I’m not telling you not to date, that’s your decision but I’ve been through the recovery process and what you describe is a vulnerability that will pass with more time and work. My advice is to take a huge step back here. You’re overthinking and over reacting with a man you’ve met once. Dating should be fun, exciting and not bring anxiety. Could you maybe build on a friendship with him?
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Hi there,
I don’t think your over-reacting, but you are certainly having a significant reaction. Well done for getting back out there, that took alot of courage. I would be inclined to agree with KIP however and suggest you consider taking a step back. I’ve just started dating again too. I’ve been out for a significant amount of time (I cant be specific but WA do recommend 2years after leaving an abusive relationship before dating or entering a new relationship).I’ve spent most of the time since leaving doing group and individual counselling though that’s all been finished for a number of months now. I felt ready to date some time ago but held off as the recommended amount of time hadn’t passed, and looking back I can see that I wasn’t ready. I was lonely, and that’s no reason to start a relationship. Now I’m really enjoying it, the focus is all on what they’re bringing to my, already complete, life. I’m not bothered about rejection because if it was the right guy, he would want to be with me too. I can send a text, or not get one back for awhile, and there’s no anxiety. I can be comfortable and myself, and if they don’t like it, well they can lump it.
In short, I’m having fun, which is what dating is supposed to be. Meeting new people is fun, or certainly can be. Trust your gut, if it all feels a bit much, then it probably is. Give yourself a break, and consider dating yourself for a bit. I’ve taken myself out to the cinema, for picnics, for a nice lunch…anything I’ve thought I’d like someone to do for me, I’ve done for myself. And it’s been great!
Take care, you’re doing great and are exactly where you should be on your timeline on your journey.
Sending a big hug xx
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