I’ve took the bait and now I’m stuck

I suppose another way to look at it is that every ‘mistake’ is a lesson. We’re all on a massive learning journey and I don’t think any of us manage it without any bumps, slips and trips along the path.
Plus you have spotted quite quickly that this hasn’t been a positive thing for you or your recovery. The important thing to spend your energy on now is turning this lesson into something useful, making a decision about how to get back on yoour journey and instead of beating yourself up use your observations to fuel you in a better direction.

Serenity is a ‘block’ or two away. You don’t owe him any apologies or explanations.

GR x

Hi Tryingtomoveonsafe

I’m in a similar state, but for different reasons! Sometimes it can help to at least know you are not alone?

I find the best thing for that pounding heart anxiety is moving around and doing something quite intense to break out of it, then try calming down again. I don’t know if thats recommended but it does work fo rme as trying to lie down and sleep feeling that way just makes me worse.

Try not to be hard on yourself. We all of us make our mistakes, and you can let yourself make this mistake, it happens, and worse because you are so tied to him also initiated it. Its ok though, its done and yes, you have come back to the same place you were before, but not quite, because you have new learning. Maybe you needed to do this, so you could see it more clearly. IDK, but give yourself a break here, these things are complex and overwhelming and we can’t do it all in one go.

You’re not a fool, he’s an utter arse for treating you this way. He’s cruel and quite sadistic to be able to do this to you. He’s a user and abuser and this is what he does, to anyone, it won’t just be you.

Have a think about where you had got to with your progress, and how it made you feel, and what helped you to feel you had made progress, how you did it, as that really is something to hold onto.

Remember that there’s an average of 7 is it attempts to break away, we all make up part of that statistic.

Try to soothe yourself, and comfort however you can. Hopefully you have gone to sleep by now, but if not try to maybe do something very distracting, as you must actually be very tired but the anxiety is stopping you sleeping. Even things like running fast on the spot, which is good to get some endorphins released for example, or reading, anything that takes you away from the triggering head space.

Keep talking and working through it. You’ve done it before and you can do it again, like falling of the wagon of drinking, and then quitting again, or any addiction. Climb back up there gal, and keep on keeping on.

warmest wishes

ts

There’s still that awful trauma bond that will keep you tied into him. It’s brainwashing, programming and abuse. Sometimes we feel safer with contact and we crave the comfort an abuser gave us because that’s better than abuse. There are many psychological reasons that you crave contact. As humans we crave what is normal to us, even if that normal is abuse. You can take back that power now. Block him on everything. Back to day 1 of zero contact. Zero contact is your way of ending things, of letting him know that you know his game and you’re not going to play it any more. It’s also the most painful injury you can give these men. Time to be kind to yourself and take back control. Recovery is a journey and you can learn an awful lot on that journey x

Hello Tryingtomoveonsafe,
I just saw this post now, and even if I am a bit late in replying, I wanted to because I relate a lot to your situation.
I’ve had slips and maybe I haven’t completely integrated lessons from them. And that’s why posting here about our experiences, whatever those may be, is so important.
Please don’t be too hard on yourself. This happens very frequently, and I’m sure to a lot of the ladies here as well.
Like others have said before, you can now take this as another stepping stone, another lesson, and move on more steadily in whatever direction you choose.

Please take care of yourself <3