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I have been out for a while. I have two (detail removed by moderator) for the first time they started asking about what happened for me to leave. They love their dad and we share custody. I simply said that dad was not always very nice to me, and that there was the last straw and I had to leave. I said I would explain more when they were older. My son then asked if dad had ever hit me. I couldn’t lie, so I just said that there are things that I would explain another time.
I am not trying to fob them off, but it is a really complicated thing that I am not even sure I have got my head around, plus I don’t want any backlash (anger not physical) to me from my ex if they tell him.
I have no idea how to go forward with this one.
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Hi beautiful Angel… Wildandfree,
Well done for leaving, that must have been a huge thing for you to do with your children
I am sure there is loads of advice online and you will also get advice from other mothers on here, which all I am sure is well worth listening to and taking into consideration
Ultimately, I think though no one knows your children like you do
You have clearly been strong enough to live on your own with your children and navigate custody for them whilst going through a terrible time yourself
Trust now that you will be able to guide them through this too
Think, how you would have liked to have been spoken to at their age, you know their capabilities in understanding information and how emotionally developed they are
Be honest with them in a language they understand, this maybe an on going conversation for a while or it may just be a one off conversation, follow their lead
Explain it from your point of view and let their Dad explain it from his, then it is up to the children to make their own minds up. However always reinforcing the moral aspects of things … for example it is never OK to hit someone etc
Their minds are fragile and they may not be able to interpret the events so factually, just literally, correcting them now of events may prevent long term emotional effects
Let them they have a safe space to open up in, not a Mum who just fobs them off
You could even do some activities with them around this, like them writing down their questions or feelings
I believe if you really trust yourself your mother instinct will kick in and you will know how to handle this. It may also be cathartic to you too, to open up
Sending you continued love and support
Darcy xx
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