I don’t understand

I really struggle to get things. It takes me a while and if they don’t go as advised I get reallu frazzled. I tried to go on a form of birth control a few months ago. I checked out the NHS website and watched the video. Reviewed options. Researched and when I felt comfortable I called my GP as advised by the website.

I got hold of my GP and they advised me further of my options and on the phone we reached a good treatment option. Turns out my GP doesn’t offer it and I’d have to go to a clinic and start the process all over again. But I need to do self swabs from the clinic at my GP. I had to call to book getting the self swabs. Took days for me to work up the courage to call the GP clinic. And they said my doctor never made the referal they were meant to and I’d have to call the GP. Make an appointment and start the process again. All of that before I could even go and start all over again at the sexual wellbeing clinic.

This is so exhausting. And calls really overwhelm me and I struggle so badly over the phone. I cried for weeks about not being able to do this. I gave up. Just felt clear I will never be allowed agency over my own body.

I now have been advised by work that my emotional moments might need more support. They’ve advised either their private mental wellness hotline. Still can’t make cohesive calls in a timely manner. And they’ve said try your GP. I’m so frazzled what on earth will my GP do?

My GP can’t help that I was raped by my ex. My GP can’t helped that I was abused by him. What is my GP going to do? They have a timeframe of 5 minutes to fix you or boot you out. What’s the point. Just feeling helpless. Uneducated and trapped.

Please do not link the rape crisis line. Or other support nonesense that’s a black hole of overwhelming information that doesn’t help. Just more trucking hotlines to call that I can’t while O feel like I’m dying inside.