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Iv recently started seeing things a bit clearer. I didn’t realise how depressed and foggy my head was. But Iv come out the otherside and more determined than ever! I’m struggling to find anywhere to move though! I don’t want to move area due to daughters school and friends and family. My job has offered me a 1 bed flat but with 2 children and (detail removed by Moderator) pets it’s not ideal at all. I feel bad that I’m ungrateful and should be prioritising that….but I just want my new house to be perfect where we go. I worry what the children will think if we can’t take everything and they will instantly want to go ‘home’ they absolutely adore their dad, especially my little boy. So it makes it really hard 😰 any thoughts? It’s going to take me years to get a council house, and lots of money to get a rented property….any wise words appreciated!
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Hi BananaPancakes-
Its up to you, I mean, at least a one bed flat would be somewhere safe to go whilst you made other plans, so long as he didn’t know where it was.
It would give you some breathing space and you could make sure the kids know its temporary, and tbh, if you went to refuge for instance, you could end up in a similar situation anyway, so its better (I would think) to be in control by taking their offer and then biding your time while you look around and save, etc.
Your children need to know that its more important to be happy and safe, and you can make, even an overpopulated home, a happy and safe place for you all.
You will be able to do fun things without getting into trouble, and your children learn how to be relaxed around their home.
warmest wishes
ts
edited to add: I also wonder whether you could use that time to make him leave the family home so you can move back in there? Just a thought.
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Contact your local council, domestic abuse is classed as a reason for homelessness and means you won’t have to wait years (I waited less than 6 months), they also offer support for deposits for private renting. Whilst not ideal, the flat is an escape and would the kids understand it’s not your perm home. The other option is to explore an occupation order and force him out of the family home. If you’re married, get some legal advice on your rights. xx
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Hi I completely get not wanting to take kids away from a nice family home to a smaller place..but it’s tempory.. could you even let the kids have the bedroom and you have a sofa bed . Not ideal I know but my mum did that with us when we were kids. There is a massive shortage of affordable housing at the min. Makes these situations that bit harder..you could move in then register with the council as you will be over crowded. I’m sure that still makes you priority. Good luck
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Hey bananapancakes, you sound like you are putting an awful lot of pressure on yourself..
The wanting your new house to be perfect, that’s a lot of pressure and as mum’s we can try to over compensate for the upheaval and any abuse our children may have picked up on or witnessed (they do pick up, my 2 children are teenagers now and talk to me about certain incidents which I thought they hadn’t seen).A flat which is safe for a temporary period may be a good place to start with moving on, this can be a scary feeling. Children are so resilient and adapt well if mum is calmer/happier. A bu k bed for the kids and a double sofa bed for you in the lounge? I guess from your post that your children are younger? If they are you could involve them with making your new home as lovely as possible together, the 3 of you.
Whatever you decide keep posting, there are no judgements on this forum.as we all understand how incredibly hard this is and we all cope in our own way ❤ sending you a virtual hug xx
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