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Recently my child became extremely distressed about going with dad and was inconsolable for a very long time.
My child has been having support from school but even after the show of extreme emotion, some of it at school, they’ve refused to continue their mental health support because they say my child is happier and dad agrees. I have spoken to them before of abuse and so have my children.I feel very, very shaken by all of this situation. My child is still unhappy and greatly unsettled. I feel my hands are tied and nobody is listening or can do anything to help. I feel utterly powerless. It’s a horrible thing to feel. I feel the system is failing me and them. I feel I’m being viewed as a liar after I’ve reported abuse, along with my children who have spoken of it but nothing was done and they were deemed to be telling the truth in parts, but not in others to gain my sympathy.
I’ve found out that (detail removed by Moderator) who have children in the same classes as mine, communicate with my ex about the kids. (detail removed by Moderator) I feel so paranoid and I’m constantly questioning their loyalty and if I’m being crazy – (detail removed by Moderator) I feel he’s using them to manipulate and shake me. But then again, is everything just for the kids? I just feel paranoid in general and just don’t trust and because of this I am feeling incredibly unsettled in an environment away from him where I should feel safe.
I am very triggered and because I’m very triggered I try justifying my actions by thinking of why I got out and about his abusive behaviour, which then triggers me more, and it’s a constant cycle. -
hi Raelrgz
(detail removed by Moderator)
I feel from your story, that your ex has been doing the rounds to sell himself as the great guy and paint you as the perpetrator or some such nonsense. This is what happens. This is what they do.
They call you the control-freak, and work hard to dispel others negative ideas about them, despite the fact that you have, and not easily I’m sure, shared your horrible time with him.
Stick to your course, and your truth, this is all that matters, and do let the children know how you will back them up, and ask if they can explain a little about how they feel, either to your, your GP, their teacher, etc.
Warmest wishes
ts
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Hi Raelrgz,
I’m so sorry that you and your child are not getting the understanding, validation, or support that you deserve. You might like to try getting in touch with your local domestic abuse service, as well as support for you, a lot of them have dedicated children’s services so it’s possible your child could access support through them.
Family Lives is an organisation that supports parents with a whole range of issues, including around mental health and school. There’s information on their website, and they have a helpline and live chat so you can speak to someone directly.
Trust can be deeply impacted by domestic abuse and it’s normal to be on high alert for any sign of risk if you’ve experienced abuse. It can take time to recover but recovery is absolutely possible. Try to be kind to yourself about feeling this way, it’s something you’ve learned to keep you and your child safe.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa -
If your child is at risk and is extremely distressed at contact with their father, you cannot be party to forcing a child to that abuse. You can support your child in this. If court is involved, then you will need to answer to them about when you cannot force a child into contact.
SS, courts, police, or any adult should be forcing a child to do anything they are against and find distressing, or is abusive.
I hope you are feeling a bit more heard for having some replies, and that you are managing ok and getting some more support irl also.
warmest wishes
ts
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Thank you for your kindness. I’ve arranged support for my child.
As more time passes, I realise that when triggering incidents happen it takes a good week for me to feel level again. But those 4-7 days are always a struggle. But most importantly, the emotions end and I’m fine again. ❤️ -
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