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I wondered if anyone else has experienced this. I have primary school age children with my sometimes ex. We live apart and share 50/50 custody.
When it suits him (holidays and some weekends) he acts like we’re a couple. The rest of the time he behaves like a single man. He has introduced our children to random women I’ve never met, and the kids tell me that daddy and whoever they are v old friends. If I ask questions he and the kids say I’m controlling and jealous. He goes on holiday by himself too.
Our child contact order is v convoluted which means multiple drop offs every week (every (detailed removed by Moderator) days).
He verbally abuses me in front of the kids (says I’m toxic, no one likes me, I’m a compulsive liar, I stick them on screens, I’m lazy, my family hate me, I don’t help them with their homework, they go to bed too late, I let them get up too early…the list goes on). His tone is nasty but he just says he’s being direct.
He does the same with the kids, telling them they’re not worth spending money on, they’re behind at school etc.
He flips from being quiet and angry to excitable and full of energy. I can’t tell which version he is going to be as the mood swings can happen in a matter of hours.
Social services have been involved (because of him) yet he still holds all the cards.
How can I get through this and move on with my life when he is teaching the kids to be like him (they know he’s ‘grumpy’ but he makes up for it with lavish trips and gifts) and decides the childcare arrangements/schedule using the 50/50 model. He wants everything in writing (even if we both to deviate from the arrangement for one day).
I currently don’t know where they are or who they are with as we argued he whisks them away and shuts down communication. Having said that they are on ‘his time’, but they are not used to not speaking to me everyday.
I want to go to court to change the contact order but he’s promised me that he’ll ‘throw every penny he has’ to destroy me.
He has everything under his control, I feel I have no say about anything at all.
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Hi,
I’m sorry to hear about your situation. A lot of abusive men use child contact in this way. Its all about power and control- he will be well aware of how much stress this is causing you.
Rights of Women are a voluntary organisation offering free, confidential legal advice on matters including family law, domestic abuse, children and child contact issues. Their Family law advice line can advise around domestic abuse; divorce, finances, cohabitation and property in relationship breakdown; parental responsibility and child arrangements; lesbian parenting. They are available on 0207 251 6577 (Tues-Thurs 7-9pm and Fri 12-2pm). They also have a line for women in London on 020 76-8 1137 (Mon 10am-12pm and 2-4pm, Tues-Weds 2-4pm, Thurs 10am-12pm and 2-4pm) [translation services available] http://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk
The National Association of Contact Centres offers advice on child contact centres. They are available on 0115 948 4557 or contact@naccc.org.uk (Mon-Fri 9am-1pm). Their website has a search function to find local centres: http://www.naccc.org.uk
The Coram Children’s Legal Centre provide free legal resources with advice and information on all aspects of family, child and education law, including relationship breakdown; parental disputes, duties of children’s services; child protection. They can be contacted on 0300 330 5480 (8am-6pm, Mon-Fri): http://childlawadvice.org.uk/
I hope this helps
Take care and keep posting
Lisa
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