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So (detail removed by Moderator) I experienced the worse argument we have ever had. We started talking about finances and wedding plans when all of a sudden an argument erupted he starts telling me how I never pay for anything and it is always him and how he owns the house etc as he’s the one paying majority of it even though I pay as much as I can each month to the mortgage and bills etc. He threw (detail removed by Moderator) this shattered all over the room I have never ever been so scared in all my life this was a new low for him. I feel so lost I just don’t know what to do anymore. We have been together for a very long time and he has always been aggressive but since recently he has become more and more violent. He never helps around the house he works from home and uses excuses that he’s so busy. On the other hand I am commuting in (detail removed by Moderator) and when I get home I am constantly panicking to make sure everything is all ok for him and clean. Each time we argue he always says he hasn’t done this for ages etc and he cannot see the issue. I feel like I’m going around and around and I just don’t know what to do.
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Oh lovely, I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. Do you keep a journal or a log of these events and things he said? My ex exploded randomly one day over gardening I think it was, maybe cooking, something menial and the rage was like nothing else, he ripped out wires, threw furniture, screamed at me, you name it. Like yours, next day it was all I haven’t done that for ages, sorry I can be difficult sometimes, won’t do it again, I’m stressed etc – all excuses I’d feel I had to accept. But after this I started keeping brief notes hidden in my phone as a shopping list, and that’s when I started to recognise there was a pattern, that the same lines were being used word for word each ‘apology’. Cognitive dissonance has a lot to answer for here. I’m guessing trying to have a sensible, rational conversation about money triggered this for you. You’re right, nothing you do will ever be enough, the house will never be clean enough, his job/money will always be ‘more important’. Have a read of Lundy Bancroft’s book why does he do that or pat craven’s living with the dominator if you haven’t already, these abusers are all so similar x
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I’m sorry this is happening and that you have experienced this.
I to experienced this and it got worse as well.
Safety is paramount in this situation.
I did counselling and groups on domestic violence and got help to leave from social workers etc. I’m glad you found this online group for inspiration.
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