- This topic has 3 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 2 years, 2 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
Hello so I have been with my partner (detail removed by Moderator) years 2 children together (detail removed by Moderator), it has gotten worse but I’m not sure If it is abuse please help, he has called me fat, boring, just recently he has said I have let myself go and he doesn’t want to come near me, he says I’m always moaning at him he goes to work (detail removed by Moderator) days week when he comes home at (detail removed by Moderator) he sits on sofa on his phone doesn’t talk to anyone not even interact with kids only time he will move off sofa is to go out to (detail removed by Moderator) I do complain as I have said it not fair on me and kids but he just says (detail removed by Moderator) I not even entitled to my own bedroom as he won’t share a bed with me as says I to noisy in my sleep I have to share with my children on a mattress on floor as we not long ago moved, he has now got his daughter back home who used to live with us but caused so many issues saying I didn’t feed her, neglected her etc so went to live with her mum (detail removed by Moderator)s, now he saying its all my fault, I have to sit in the bedroom crying alone I feel so uncomfortable in my own home he won’t leave (we are joint tenants) he keeps saying this is all me being difficult throwing my toys out the pram I’m stupid silly etc, I don’t know what I’m asking but I honestly don’t no what this is please help thanking you x
-
Just to add he has cheated on me previous but says its not cheating its all in my head he sent naked pictures to a woman and also went out with her on dates when I thought he was at work, he says he can’t talk to me as all I do is moan, he turns every argument back round onto me like I’m the bad one, when our son was born i was kept in because of (detail removed by Moderator) when I discharged myself under strict instructions not to be left alone he dropped us home then went out for the day (detail removed by Moderator), since moving house I have had to paint, lay carpets and look after kids house etc on my own as he works and needs to relax I’m just totally lost is this abuse he tells me its all in my head
-
Hi, I’m really sorry to hear what you are going through. I think its always hard to decide whether to put a label of ‘abuse’ on their behaviour but I usually try and think, if a friend told me that they were living my life, what would I think?
They are so clever at twisting things around to put the blame back at your door. I had this for years and years. Nothing I did was ever enough – I worked full time, was responsible for all the child care, was responsible for making sure all the bills were paid, clearing debts etc. It never stopped. But he always criticised and if i stood up for myself then he’d just go on and on and on. He criticised my parenting even though he opted out of it. He made out that he was the one who was trapped by my demanding ways when the truth was the absolute opposite.
He was out of work a lot of the time because he couldn’t keep a job but my god, if i complained i was tired. He was more tired. If i complained it had been a hard day at work, his day had been harder. He never listened to me. I was not heard. He didn’t care how I felt. He only cared about himself.
It took me a long time to realise that. I always had excuses for him. and i believed his ‘reasons’. I still struggle a bit with the term abuse and he would NEVER admit he was abusive. But I do know that he did not treat me like someone that he loved and cared about.
A lot of what you talk about sounds like abuse. Reading other posts on here, you can see that there is a pattern that a lot of them follow. Denying your feelings and reality. Its how they keep their power making you second guess yourself all the time. Its never them, always you in their minds and I think they really believe it. -
I am also sad and sorry to hear this, and agree with tiredofitall who has such very good advice. I am always amazed at how they turn things around so that what they do to you they tell you you are doing to them and they play the victim when they are definitely not the victim. I am saddened to hear you feel uncomfortable in your own home, I know how this feels, your home should be your safe place. I go to my daughter’s room or find a quiet spot and play calming music and read a book, just thinking of you, stay strong
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
