I still love him

As a child my both my parents controlled me to the point of it being abusive. In later life I have realised that my father suffered from depression and my mother was unable to stand up to him. As my mother had to be at my fathers beck and call there were times when I was left in charge of my youonger brother, and when arguments were flying around I automatically took him under my wing and tried to protect him. In hindsight I probably just appeared as a bossy big sister. After my fathers death my brother started controlling (he calls it advising) my mother, while at the same time rubbishing anything I did. He would only call me if he wanted something and was never interested in my life only his. There was a point in his life when he ha problems started telling me what I should be doing and I said no. Since then the abuse has become so upsetting that all his emails to me are diverted through my husband who decides if I am up to seeing them. That is my choice – he is not being controlling – trust me. Things have got bad to such a point that he has denounced me as a sister and broken off all communication. He has also turned my mother against me and made her belive that I am after her money. As i was informed that she lived in fear of me calling her I decided for her own good to break off all communication with her, but made it known that I was oen to being contated by her. Since then my brothers life has gone from bad to worse and while I am so glad to be out of the abusive relationship I still love him and grieve for him, wish him well and would love to have him as a loving brother. At the same time I feel like a right idiot fo thinking that.