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Hey
I put a message on here a couple of months ago about struggling years on to move past my abusive relationship. Thank you for all the support and advise you sent me it really helpful.I again feel like ive hit my next hurdle in my journey to recovery and would love to hear from anyone that has been here. I reached out to my local dv charity who rang me the next day and arranged for me to see a support worker that week. The lady agreed to take on my case straight away and I have now been for 5 sessions. I have found these sessions really eye opening and although we have only touched slightly on the past at this stage I feel like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I found that my mind became really obsessive on my past and spent the first four weeks doing a lot of reading and thinking about things which has been extremely difficult but I feel like I have started to processing. However, for the last two week my brain has shut down and I can’t think about things. I have tried to do some reading on things from our conversations but I read a line or two and then switch off and can’t continue. I cant engage with my own experience at the moment. I feel emotionless to it all. In the positive the thoughts I’ve had for a long time also seem to have disappeared. Is this me healing or am I shutting down. We havent talked about too much as i have never spoken to anyone about my experience and find this difficult so a lot of the work so far has been on me building up trust. I spoke to my support worker about not wanting to talk about the past when she talked about counselling to help me unpick things. I told her I didn’t want to waste her time and she is happy to continue at a pace I’m happy with. Is this normal?
Things have always come in waves for me where I find life manageable and then suddenly it’s all too much and I get stuck I’m the past. Is support like that? I really dont want to be wasting anyone’s time but I do want more than anything to heal or move on past the past. What are other peoples experiences? Please inbox me as I appreciate you may not want to put it on the forum.
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Big Hugs Thisissoooooohard,
Give yourself some grace.
“I cant engage with my own experience at the moment. I feel emotionless to it all.” <– I think that is a defensive/coping mechanism.
In my experience, support and everything that comes after … support comes in drips and drabs, so take up support when its offered, even if it doesn’t feel like the ‘right fit’ at that time, put yourself in there anyways, because something else might come up that’s helpful.
There is so much expectation on women and mums to always be positive. But that’s without looking at the trials we face, the sacrifices we’ve made, etc.
Healing isn’t instant. It takes time, reflection, support and self care there. xX
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There are lots of routes into finding the support suitable for your own situation, and all sorts of different counselling organisations out there. Domestic Abuse takes a long time to unpick. Victim Support runs some groups, and of course Women’s Aid runs the Freedom programme. Mind can offer counselling as well. Rape Crisis is really good. Sometimes it feels as though nobody’s listening, then everyone descends at once. Really good that you have an outreach worker. Baby steps.
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Sometimes it’s difficult and scary – I have a couple of trusted counsellors plus advocates. I also did do groups which were eye opening still. There was initially social workers too.
DV counselling has helped me come back to somewhat closer to normal – I too had shut people out/ shut down. It’s different now
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