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Hi everyone!
I’ve been out of my most abusive relationship for almost (detail removed by moderator) years now.
Following the abuse, I feel as though I let being a “survivor” become a major part of my identity. I even shaped my entire career around attempting to get justice for others going through it.
However, with all the time that has passed, I feel like I’m in a much better place but I’m holding onto this trauma because it’s become so wrapped up with my identity. I am struggling to work out what parts are me and what are responses to my trauma. Whenever I feel “healed” (quotations as I don’t feel you are ever 100% healed) I feel like I’m betraying myself and have thoughts like “it can’t have been that bad if you’re over it”.
I know how ridiculous this probably all sounds, but I just wondered if anyone else has experienced these feelings? If there’s a way to honour what I went through and still let it go?
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Hi Little Bear,
Thank you for your post. I’m sorry to hear about your situation.this doesn’t sound ridiculous and it sounds like you have achieved a lot to get to where you are.
You deserve to be happy and to want that for yourself. Survivors are often judged for staying or leaving- the perpetrator will often minimise their behaivour and try and make you feel guilty for leaving. It may be that negative voice is still lingering but you are not betraying yourself- you are finally putting yourself first.
You can access free online courses created by or in partnership with therapists specialising in trauma at Bloom. These courses can be accessed in your own time and at your own pace and cover topics such as trauma, abuse and boundaries.
Best Wishes
Lisa
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