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I’d taken my time to settle down, only for the person I chose to reveal himself to be an abusive partner and it was only truly exposed after birth of our child. I’m so sad, I feel tricked. I escaped with child and now I’m wondering what the future holds, what my child will think or feel, and whether I’ll find true love and someone who will be a good father to my child. Whether I’ll have the warm, big family I’ve always wanted. I feel so lonely now, and so shocked at this traumatic start to being a mother.
i don’t know what ex’s involvement with child will be like. So far he’s just targeted me and hasn’t shown care or actually asked to see our child.
I’d really appreciate any words of advice or wisdom.
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Hello. I have just read your post. I am sorry that you feel sad and betrayed/tricked. How were you to know what he was like. Don’t blame yourself.
So you have a child that is good. Congratulations. You have left an abusive relationship, evidence that your self respect is healthy and you care for the safety of your child. This is positive and so brave. Maybe you have have found a higher true love between yourself and your child. And I think you have expressed a self-love that is so positive and healthy.
I would say it is natural that you are asking yourself all of the questions you list. They are far reaching and show that you are not afraid to look into the future. You are not going to be able to answer all of your questions but you have written them down in your posting.
Right now it could be enough to reflect on the massive steps you have taken to remove yourself and your child from abuse. Try and sit quietly and take that fact in. Can you make yourself some food and drink and get some satisfaction that your are looking after yourself. Respecting yourself.
When you are ready you can reach out for advice and services using this site, your health visitor and citizens advice. You are not expected to survive on your own just because your relationship with the father of your child has ended. Think about what you need and seek the support and advice.
I hope that you can settle and sleep well and well done for reaching out.
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Best wishes to you this evening for a good night on the 1st of March. Spring is on its way.
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As PianoForte has said it’s a good time to be proud of yourself for how much you have achieved and be gentle with yourself, take one step at a time.
A warm, big family like you dream of can come in many ways without necessarily needing another traditional husband/wife relationship. Imagine a house full of family members coming and going with their own kids, or strong and funny female friends, who, knowing that you live alone, feel empowered to drop in and spend time, or lots of rescue dogs or cats, or foster children, or all your child’s friends who want to spend all their time at your house because there’s always pizza in the oven and a warm snug sofa for them to watch films on. An open door policy so that the house always has people coming and going. A book club one night, a trumpet club one night a wine tasting evening, a jam tart tasting.
I’m not suggesting that you want all or any of these things, but there’s a hundred ways to make a big, warm family.
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