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This time around (I don’t pick well) there’s no violence. Occasional door slams. Making himself big and close and shouty. I can slam doors too…no saint here.
This time it runs on guilt tripping.
He does very little around the home. We both work. He has a problem with (detail removed by Moderator) and for years hasn’t (detail removed by Moderator) and I’m not allowed to. Since we moved in together. Years of (detail removed by Moderator). If I touch them…emotional meltdown. If I mention this needs tackling…or challenge in any other way about any other thing.’why am I giving him a hard time ..suicide threats…don’t I know he struggles so much etc, nothing he does is ever good enough for me etc…literally goes to work and comes home and washes the very occasional dish, with a lot of huffing and puffing.
In arguments I go silent because whatever I say gets spun around and deflected back. Silence is safer He takes accountability for nothing. But I’m being abusive because I’m silent…when he will literally sit and tell me why I’m wrong for hours…and I mean hours…half a day at least. If I speak I’m interrupting and I will get shouted over.
I feel like there is nothing left of me. I darent make requests. No point. Nothing ever changes. I’m horribly low. I doubt my own mind these days. I just feel exhausted and crushed and the guilt is next level.
And I don’t know how to get out. I don’t earn enough to live alone but too much to get help
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Hi Cherries,
Thank you for sharing with us. It is understandable you feel as you do, abuse is exhausting and can have such an impact on wellbeing. I hope you are finding the forum a safe and supportive place to be to reach out and talk about what is happening.
It can feel overwhelming to know where to start with planning to leave. Have you had contact with your local domestic abuse service? They can often offer ongoing emotional and practical support to help with exploring options and making a plan based on what you want to happen and your circumstances. You can find your local service here.
Keep posting when you can, there is support here for you.
Best wishes,
Lisa
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I’m so sorry you are feeling like this and experiencing this. I am feeling the same at the moment, just exhausted with it all and can relate to a lot of the things you are dealing with.
I literally got told off the other day by my partner because I went silent when he was yelling at me telling me everything that’s wrong with me, but same as your experience – if I try to explain or talk I can’t get a word in and am talked over.
It is so incredibly exhausting!
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Hi, yes I’ve had contact with the local DA service…you know, in even feel guilty about that. Can’t win. A refuge place would be too expensive for me as I earn too much for benefits but yeah, not enough to actually live on on my own.
I struggle to even decide in my own mind if it’s abuse or not, you know…and why should it matter anyway because abuse or not I’m miserable and abuse or not I’m so defeated I can’t even be bothered to have an opinion when we are late yet again, or with anything frankly except to agree with him. He’s doing the whole ‘did I do something wrong’ acting like a scared little boy and I could genuinely scream in frustration at it all.
I feel so so bad for making HIM feel like that just by being quiet and not caring…. because I’m not affectionate anymore. I’m barely functioning. Work. Home. No more kisses on the end of texts even. No matter why I feel like this it’s me that’s withdrawn all human kindness from him. Aaaargh.
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