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Hello everyone,
im stuck! i’ve been with him for (timeframe removed by Moderator) years. longer when i think about when he first got his claws in to me. (year removed by Moderator) i think it was.
i have had enough. we have a (age removed by Moderator) year old who is the most precious little thing and im worried its soon going to affect her
im burnt out and depressed, my MH is getting worse again and im a step away from shutting this all down.
i have enough evidence to go to the police but he says he’s going to kill me. im worried he will at times. he’s a big man who knows people in the wrong places.
he tells me im unfit to be a mother and our d will get taken off me.
i plan to leave for good when she’s at school. i have nothing, no job, no car, no money. he pays for my phone which he could smash up at anytime.
i just want to be free now.
i want to start again, just me and my girl. but she loves her dad. the mask falls off around me.
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Hi Indenail,
Welcome to the forum. I’m really glad that you’ve found this space and are reaching out. Thank you for sharing with us what’s happening.
It’s positive that you’ve already started making a plan and thinking about when would be the safest time to leave. I’d encourage you to reach out to your local domestic abuse service for some ongoing support. They should be able to help you make a plan to leave safely and support you to decide what you want to do around reporting to the police.
You’re not an unfit mother, this threat is something that abusers use frequently to try and stop their partners from leaving. He says it because he knows how unthinkable it would be for you to lose her. Any involvement from services would be around supporting you to leave because it’s him and his behaviour that are a risk to her, not you.
The Survivor’s Handbook has some information on how to leave your relationship safely, which you might find helpful. You might like to reach out to our Live Chat service (Monday – Friday, 10am – 4pm) to speak to a Women’s Aid worker in more detail about your situation. They won’t tell you what to do but can discuss options with you and signpost you to other support that’s relevant to you.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa -
Hi Indenial. How are things going? Have you been able to contact your local domestic abuse service?
The kind of threats that abusers use against us are often designed to hit us where it hurts. After all, they know us well.
if it helps to post about the threats he’s made to you ( about being an ‘unfit mother’ for example…which sounds like complete b*****it by the way) then the forum is a good place to do it!
Sometimes to just write it down and see it in black and white helps you to begin to unravel their fearmongering.xx
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Hi both,
thank you both for your responses.
i haven’t reached out yet,
i am worried of the repercussions at present. my parents are away on holiday and i informed them of what’s going on. they told me they already knew and aren’t stupid. i think they are just in fear of me being isolated to him. whereas if they keep me close and act like they like him he won’t be able to keep me away from them. once they are back i am going to take some serious measurements to try and get away.
im going to lose my home soon, he keeps telling me i need to leave when we argue and that my daughter will be staying with him. but she’s so young she needs her mummy. i look after her full time whilst he works.
we have huge fights, i snap and have complete emotionally outbursts. he threw my (object removed by Moderator) at me (timeframe removed by Moderator) outside the (location removed by Moderator) and it hit me in the face and cut my nose. i was so embarrassed and swore at him and had a huge meltdown in the house. i was crying and screaming. it all had just come out. he was filming me telling me he is going to use it in evidence that i am so unstable. i just hit breaking point.
he threatens to hurt my family, to sell the family car or to crash it, he threatens to burn the house with my belongings.
im stuck wishing he was the version “he could be” when he’s nice and happy but it’s very rare. everything is cold and frosty.
it was (occasion removed by Moderator) (timeframe removed by Moderator) and he didn’t even get me a card or anything from my daughter. no cake, or banners.
he sulked upstairs and brought himself a chinese and didn’t offer me any. just sat there and ate it himself.
he’s already been to prison with domestic related incidents, i feel like a bad person if he goes back. he’s worked hard to rebuild his life with me. or perhaps i was just a distraction. for him to get himself back the straight and narrow.
i feel awful if i have to report him to the police. but then again ive been locked in a mental prison for years 🙁
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