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Ive been on this forum for longer than I’d like to admit, sometimes I read some of my previous posts from years ago and feel shame, frustration, guilt, sick. Its like I wish i could go back and shake myself, look into the future and realise how much better my life would have been if id stuck to my feelings and left. But here we are.
My days are depressing, I feel like I’m not being the best mum I can, my days revolve round his routine unless I escape to a family members and then I wish I could stay forever. I want that feeling to be permanent. There are so many factors holding me back. We own a home together, he’s said multiple times let’s put it up for sale and this has always been mid argument but I know if I pushed the matter, he might?!?! Actually agree to it. So I’d have some money behind me. But the rental prices are so high, I don’t work currently and am not allowed to get any old job, it has to be mainly women and not with the general public so this is limiting. I really want to leave, but the thought of my child missing his home, his garden, his dog etc just stops me every time. I know in the long run it would be better, and I can see how this lifestyle is impacting him but I’d feel so guilty for taking his security away and perhaps moving into a flat with no garden after being so privileged by choice just rips me apart. How do people do this?! I’ve tried contacting several charities/agencies but have been told because I’m a home owner I won’t get much help, which I understand but I almost wish I didn’t own my home so that I could go on social housing and give my son a better place to heal in, and myself.
I also feel stuck in terms of not wanting to register as a DV victim because my partner is very manipulative, and isn’t exactly holding me back from leaving. It’s my choice I think, so I feel silly acting like it’s an emergency and I need help when I kind of don’t. But he’s made it so hard for me to be independent and I think he knows that. My family members would be happy for me to live with them temporarily but I can’t picture me being able to heal whilst being around others 24/7, especially after being so controlled for years. I just don’t know, don’t know why I’m even posting this, I just feel like I’m stuck in a constant loop, which I inevitably give up on and end up back at the same place, feeling the same way. I want to have a plan, I want to feel hopeful, be independent, feel like a good mum again. At the moment I just feel so stuck and I don’t know how much longer I can do this.
Please someone help me with an exit plan
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Songbird1 ii could have written this post myself. Been on this forum years on and off. Being a homeowner is hard I tried to register homeless but they don’t class if I own. I tried to get emergency accommodation and there is a housing crisis in my area so offered a hostel I could never do that to my kids. I couldn’t afford this home if we split. My partner won’t let me leave tho without a massive battle and I know he will do whatever it takes to hurt me and probably use my kids to do so….., how on earth have I had two kids to this man why did I stay and build a home and family with him. I will never forgive myself for it. I’m sorry I don’t have too much advice but always here if u need someone to talk too
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Like Better-days I too started reading your post and actually scrolled to see if it was something I’d started. We’re in exactly the same boat, don’t feel like it’s just you that’s stayed too long. I understand those feelings. I feel almost like a fraud even being here. Like if it were that bad I’d surely have gone by now. I don’t even have kids to worry about but there are other important aspects to my life I’ve felt like I can’t leave behind.
If you make an appointment with your local DA centre your partner will not be involved in any way to be able to manipulate the situation. In addition it’s your evidence that something is happening should you need it. They will take your details and ask you to tell them what’s been happening. Don’t get me wrong, I started crying when they referred to my husband as my abuser. It’s a massive mental hurdle to get over. But they can help. Give you advice according to your situation. Mind you I went two years ago now and am still in the same boat. But I felt proud for a moment when I did it.
Please keep posting here for help and advice. We’re all in this together and can help each other. I wish you the strength to make a little move at least. Your GP could help too, at least have it on another record of it somewhere. But ultimately they will prob refer you to the DA services.
Take care xx -
I refused to go back to house.
I was in a hotel. I could not go back. I ended up in refuge because I had become homeless because I refused to go home due to terror of his violence.
I never went back and until this day, never been around that area.
Years later(and a lot of money) – I don’t live with this terror and having to flee and listen to his criticism. I would have done this all a different way now – but it was way I got out. I too stayed for the kids.
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