Is it bad to keep my dog from him

It sounds like maybe he is looking  for any excuse, and any tiny point of weakness, where he can hold onto his  power and manipulation, and have a permanent ‘in’ from which he can grow or maintain his control of you. Even if it’s just upsetting you on a permanent basis ( you dreading the next time he’ll be coming round to ‘visit’ the dog).
From an outsiders point of view it’s an absolute joke that he should expect to have visitation rights to your dog when you split up.
He should have thought about what he stood to loose ( including your pets) before he did the abusive things he did ( and, before he took up with a new girlfriend and by doing that, moved on and out of your life)

No contact, completely,  is the only way to begin to recover.

Value yourself and be kind to yourself, and give yourself this gift of no contact. It is difficult when you’re feeling vulnerable and wounded, but that’s kind of why you need to protect yourself.

Value your dog too. Abusers are very often cruel to animals, even if they don’t let you see it.

Hi Ratz,

This is a decision I had to make.  After I left and I was trying to support him but kept having to cut contact as nothing was changing, he would use the dog as a reason to not only get in touch, but wanting to take him out etc – even turning up drunk in his car wanting to take the dog in the car with him which I refused and was called all kinds of names.

My ex didn’t care about the dog, never did really. He only ever did things with the dog so he would get praise or it would make him feel/look good, it was never to benefit the dog.  I can guarantee that the dog has not crossed his thoughts since no contact.

As said above, seeing the dog will be a way of control and just upsetting your life in general. It is best for you and your dog to just cut him off, dogs or so loyal that these men don’t deserve that loyalty.  Enjoy your peace with your dog, sending love xx

Block him on everything so he can’t mither you about seeing the dog. He has moved on, got a new GF. Maybe he should get a dog, if he is so desperate to see yours.

Even when they move on with their lives, get new GF etc.. Meanwhile we are feeling exhausted from their abuse, feel anxious and lose our confidence too, but they still make excuses to try and see us again.

You have managed to get rid of him. This is now your time to recover mentally and physically. It takes time. Is there any domestic abuse support groups in your area?

Maybe Try new hobbies when you feel ready to keep you distracted from thinking about him…  I have found meditation really helpful, adult colouring books too, reading magazines because my concentration is really poor. I have severe depression and anxiety.

If he is turning up drunk and being abusive. I would ring the police, if you feel safe to do it. You don’t deserve to be called names, him upsetting you again. It is all logged then.

Perhaps keep a diary what he is doing about the dog, what times, what he says etc. You have evidence then. Could you apply for a restraining order? If non molestation order. To keep you safe if he is turning up drunk.

Sending you a big gentle hug, I am also trying to recover from my abusive ex. It takes time to heal.

Take care and keep posting.

Also I was r recommended a book by my social prescriber who is supporting me because I a lot of anxiety.

It’s called Get Out Get Love (Dr Craig Newman)  – what everyone should know in, and after abusive relationships.

It takes you through 3 key stages – getting understanding (of the reasons we fall into abuse and why we tolerate it). getting out ( escaping, breaking the cycle and staying away) and getting love ( seeking closure, regaining trust developing self-love).

I am finding it very helpful because as well as information about different stages there is also exercises to support. He recommends journalling, I have never done it before because I find it hard writing about myself. I am slowly doing and finding it helpful too.

You can buy the book off Amazon.

Take care of yourself and remember to also be kind to yourself as well.

Block him everywhere, and don’t answer his calls. If he tries to get back in contact with you via another phone etc block that phone too.

It is difficult to do. Mine stalked for a while.