- This topic has 3 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 2 weeks, 5 days ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
Hi everyone,
I’m going through a really confusing and painful time in my relationship, and I’m struggling to name what’s happening. My partner and I have been together for a while, and while he has good qualities, there are patterns that leave me feeling tense, hurt, and constantly on edge.
Some things that happen regularly:
He dismisses or shifts blame when I bring up concerns.
He often criticizes my tone or language instead of addressing the issue.
There’s a lot of verbal belittling, sneering, and raised voices — sometimes insults.
He questions my boundaries and makes me feel like I have to justify myself constantly.
When things get rough, he sometimes acts nice or does small gestures, but the underlying issues aren’t resolved.
I feel anxious and confused a lot, second-guessing myself and my feelings.
I hide my frustration to avoid arguments, but then I feel emotionally distant and guilty.
Sometimes he accuses me of things like “bitching with my mum” or “not wanting to be in the relationship.”
He’s also been aggressive or intimidating at times — yelling in my face or goading me.
I’ve read about emotional abuse and control, and some of this sounds familiar, but I struggle with the idea because he’s “not a bad person” deep down — or at least, that’s what I want to believe.
I want to hear from people who might have been through similar experiences or who understand these dynamics:
Does this sound like emotional abuse or a toxic relationship?
How do you reconcile loving someone with recognizing harmful patterns?
What helped you see the truth clearly?
Thank you for any insights or support. I really need to feel less alone and more confident in understanding what’s going on.
-
Hi Jjroadso,
Welcome to the forum and thank you for your post. I hope you find the forum a safe and supportive place to be with others who understand.
If you need any guidance on using the forum you can find this in the Forum Guidelines and FAQs. If they don’t answer your question then please feel free to message me.
If you feel like you need some additional support, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline is available for free, 24/7 on 0808 2000 247. You can talk to their team online Monday to Friday 10am-10pm and 10am-6pm on weekends.
Do keep posting to let us know how you’re getting on.
Best wishes,
Lisa
(Forum Moderator) -
Sounds like mine. He’s a Mr nice guy too.
I struggle to call it abuse but you know I think it is…just a more subtle form of control based on guilt tripping and shaming, flipping blame over to dodge any accountability.
Im years in and a wreck because of it and there have been a couple of aggressive incidents but not outright violence.
I came to the conclusion it doesn’t matter what label I choose to put on it, not being able to have any opinion? Not good. Staying silent to keep the peace? Not good. Being afraid to raise issues because you know you will get the blame? Not good.
Theres not much left of me at this point. Be careful. A gradual erosion is harder to spot than a punch but I think personally much harder to recover from x
-
I was in a similar position. I was like a yoyo I kept returning and giving chances.
i would even rationalise it to myself by thinking, he’s not a criminal, he’s not a gambler, he’s not a addict. I’ll just put up with it for the kids.
it was a big mistake I didn’t realise until I had councelling and it was pointed out to me. It is very confusing because you love them and they love you but and you want it to work so you keep giving chances but they don’t change but you do ! You stop trying to defend yourself you loose your voice and they get stronger.
what you described is emotional abuse, I had the same. I hope you can see a councillor or speak to your Doctor for help x
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
