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Left partner (number removed by Moderator) years ago after police (police actions removed by Moderator). Eventually gave a statement disclosing physical, sexual, emotional and financial abuse. Ex partner said I wanted it and didn’t realise I didn’t want to be beaten up, strangled, abused!
Prosecution dropped due to my word against his, lost evidence etc.
Now police not involved he keeps coming back and I keep tolerating, accepting continued abuse even though there’s no relationship there. There really are no positives cos he’s furious I spoke to the police and it’s all anger and aggression.
Why can I not walk away? Why do I not think it’s bad even though I can have the right outrage about others in the same situation? How do I break the hold? How do I stop tolerating, accepting and not reporting and continue to miss him/need him? I have been with him my whole entire adult life so maybe that’s why but how do I break this hold and attachment/need?
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It’s really odd isn’t it! When I read other peoples posts about what is happening to them I can see straight away that the relationship just isn’t worth it and don’t understand why they are making excuses for the behaviour. But I know that I did exactly the same myself for years and years and years!
There was an article recently in a famous psychology publication from someone who’d spent time looking at the psychology of victims of abuse ( so sorry that I can’t recommend any helpful publications here as it’ll be removed by the moderators). . I found it really interesting. It did mention that often victims have good self esteem in many areas of life but tend to have a couple of ‘gaps’ or low spots in their self esteem, often due to past events. These are exploited by abusers .
It could explain why we find it possible to see abusive behavior in general, but what we’re subjected to personally, we sometimes have a blind spot for.
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