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To all of the lovely women on this forum, please celebrate how exceptionally well you are doing and how strong you really arm by having to deal with all of the abnormal and terrible behaviour every day. We have real strength to be able to tolerate this, a lot of people who have never experienced abuse would crumble at what we are forced to deal with. We are being made stronger every day dealing with violence, manipulation, being abandoned, mind games, theft, stalking and threats to be killed. We are managing all of this which makes us very clever , strong willed and resilient, this abuse is a temporary blip in our lives and we made a mistake to get hooked into this person. I trust with a lot of help and support we can be free. This forum had helped me so much. XXXXX
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Thank Serenity. Kitty, I’m impressed! Funnily enough when I was with my ex I was a nervous wreck, desperately insecure and mistrustful. I wasn’t like that before I met him and I’m not like that without him now, funny that! They deliberately pull us down when we are bright, intelligent, gifted and independent, more fool them. X*X
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Hi Kitty,
My ex managed to get me to abandon two university courses. Finally, I took one whilst working. He would never have entertained mr giving up earning. So I crammed it in. I passed. It led me to higher things.
I think this is partly why he felt he needed to go. He needed to be top dog, the boss, the bully. His ego couldn’t take me rising up.
Ladies, please don’t abandon your dreams. Don’t let him make you not learn or qualify. You need to protect yourself for the future and go after your dreams.
The right man would never make you lose yourself or forget who you are.
Thank god I took the course. It was my salvation.
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It’s a lovely message HA, thank you. I thought I’d share what my son said tonight. He had relationship and sex education at school today and was telling me about it. I started to say isn’t it amazing that women’s bodies can grow a baby and that people don’t seem to respect them much for that. He asked if I thought women are treated badly in this country and I said I did. He said “well not in this household, you’re always going on about it!” Hmmm, maybe I’ve been overdoing the feminism a bit (is that possible?!) but it’s a great departure from the crying, frightened wreck he saw me being before! X*x
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That is great Peaceful Pig, it sounds like you have a close and open relationship with your son and that he will grow up a nice young man who respects women. That is so important, that the next generation of men have good values and positive thoughts, we want them to love us, encourage us, respect us and not be insecure. That is how a decent man should be. XXXXX
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I am going to turn the experience of abuse that I have had around, to make my life better. I am thankful for it, it has given me lessons that i have had to learn I have had no choice. I am going to rise like a phoenix out of the flames to be a strong, positive and independent woman that will never have such issues again with a man or anybody. Once you have made your mind up to leave him, the getting out is fraught with difficulties, the mind plays tricks so that you go back, you have severe trauma bonding so that you feel like people you deeply love have died and you feel desperately lonely and deeply depressed. At the same time you have the ex giving you what you need at that time, telling you that you are beautiful and how sorry he is. You feel warm and loved, all of the things you wanted to feel when a week before he might have been strangling you or making you believe you were mentally ill. Getting out you may turn to drink, drugs or food to ease the mental pain that you feel. If you can get through the time after you have left the relationship and manage all of these challenges you can get through to eventual freedom. Don’t go back to all of that horrible abuse. I love my home, my life and my freedom and have been 99% No Contact for over 4 months.
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