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At all now. My sisters recently borrowed money of me. She’s usually all ok when it’s going her way. But because I went out with a couple of my friends she’s got very nasty and aggressive. Even saying she’s going to go to the pub were my ex partner drinks and cause a scene. I just feel surrounded by horrible bullies. If people aren’t getting there way that is it. My family are horrible they do nothing to support me at all. But they always interfere it’s always been the same old story. Now I feel I’ve nobody x
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Dear Betterdays, i’m so sorry to hear this. You are doing fantastically well with your life and future, the decisions that you have made and the action that you have taken to free yourself and your sons from abuse. Please know it is YOU WHO ARE RIGHT and YOUR FAMILY WHO ARE WRONG.
I know that you love your family that is natural. Also they are probably doing what they feel is best, right and normal. Its what they known and are accustomed to. You said before that your mum & dad were married for (detail removed by Moderator) years and it has always been abusive and that your dad has been abusive to your son before. Also you have only ever known abusive partners. So all around you, your whole environment, family, area where you live, kids is abuse. This is normal to everyone that you know. Anything that isn’t that is probably viewed by your sister and family as fearful, suspicious, wrong or they just dont get it. Thats how they think. It is a shame that your mum and sister has not reached out for the support of womens aid. I think that at the moment your sister might feel a bit threatened at your emerging independence. She will get over it. I think that you definitely should carry on on your forward goals of happiness and freedom and definitely move away and continue mixing with people who don’t have an abusive background. Perhaps try to ignore what your sister is saying and doing, you can still have a good relationship with her, this will die down. Maybe your relationship with your family will still be there, but just a bit different. There will be more space between you all and you won’t be so affected by them. Even if she goes to the pub and confronts your ex, maybe you should ask yourself what is the very worse that can happen if she does that. X*X-
Thankyou for your reply yes u are right. I’ve always had my family interfering trying to domineer and trying to make decisions for me. I’m the one who has it the most difficult out of us all. But I’ve always been independent luckily and had to do it all alone. Maybe they are jealous I don’t know. But we’ve had to live around people who want to dictate and domineering.but it’s our life’s now and theyl have to accept it x
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Family want to keep us as we were. Maybe they feel threatened by changes to you and in your strength.
Build a life outside your family. Join clubs, make new friends, get involved with a good job….live your life fully. Of course still see family. but they don’t have to be EVERYTHING. They are still there but you are not going to be relying on them completely. I don’t know all of your story. But it sounds like you have had a really difficult past. You should be proud of yourself, for getting this far and aiming to improve your life. Recognising abuse for what it is. aiming to move forward. that shows a real strength of character that you have. x
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Ignore your sister.
I had to have counselling to make me realise that it was ok to put myself first and not to allow my family to victimise me.
It’s awful realising that some of your family members are like that, but once you face it and tell yourself it isn’t your responsibility to sort their heads out, you get a real sense of freedom.
Your sister has no right to dictate what you do in your life and you don’t need to listen to her threats.
Xx
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Because I’ve aims and goals in life they don’tike it. My sister has always wanted to be stuck at my side since she were young it’s always to be about her. I’ve give her thousands over the years lifts meals. But I need to put me and the lads first. My sister is the opposite of me. She doesn’t like the fact I drive and have a car. But things don’t just come to you u have to go out and get them. She’s really no life never worked doesn’t drive never has any money. I’m dreading it when I get my money of my house as all my family will be bickering and guessing what I’m doing with it. And expect a hand out too… I’m moving on with my lads and leaving my family my ex and the bad memories way behind…..X
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Hi Betterdays,
It is good that you are pressing on and will not accept that the majority is right, which isn’t always the case.
Concentrate on those with whom you have relationships of mutual respect. I felt a little like you, but the family surrounding me was the nightmare that I married into and I have no family in the UK. I honestly thought that it was me who was the problem, but then I stood back, realised this was not so and stood up for myself.
It sounds weird but where and when you find your piece of personal space and peace of mind, you will see that being without those who drag you down is a release and you will find a more natural support structure forming.
Keep strong and remain true and kind to yourself.
All the very best
Lilycat x
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I have a similar problem, Betterdays. The doctor said it is me. There is something about me why my family and people are like this to me. I need to change myself. But I do not know how. I am always giving and friendly to people and I help everybody. I gave tons of money to my family. All the money I gave and my nice behaviour and smiles did not help. They still ignore me. I think that doctor is a sick b…
Hang in there.
So many people are a..h.. and that includes family. They have a problem when we change and progress and probably achieve more than them.
I do not mind to be on my own. I have lots of nice things to do and I need to learn a lot to achieve my goals. No stumbling blocks needed in my life. -
You have such goodness to look forward to Betterdays, with your boys. They now have a chance to achieve and be happy without the fear of being called thick, stupid or being terrified. This time next year I expect there will be huge changes in your lives, maybe house move achieved, boys happier and more relaxed, doing kids stuff. Maybe get yourself a job which you enjoy and makes you feel worthy. Your boys look like nice, bright kids there is no reason why they should not achieve their chosen careers either. Hang on in there Betterdays, all is good. X*X
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