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Some of you may have read my previous post about telling my ex where I live.
He is not happy what so ever that we have moved. I’m so scared of his next move. There has previously been claims that I’m mentally unstable and that I can’t be trusted with my own children, so his discovery that I’ve now moved out is now the next thing to try and ruin me with. (I used to live with my parents) there was a type of investigation before that stated there was no issues around my parenting, and I know I’m a good mum. It’s just that I know he’s a compulsive liar.
I’ve got no idea what I can do, or if he is even able to do anything about this? Sick and tired of it all.
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My ex is a pathalogical liar. He lied to the police and I was detained for 5 hours on total rubbish. The police knew it was rubbish and drove me home. The point I’m making is he’s tried that one before and it didn’t work. You are in a much stronger position. Should he try his nonsense, you can tell them how he’s done it before. Completely unfounded. I know the anxiety it causes, not knowing what his next move might be. But be reassured you came out on top the last time and you will again. He will just show how delusional he is X
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Kip it is just driving me insane. Honestly. He’s now saying he basically wants to decide what the kids do on a day to day basis. Because I won’t agree, apparently we will be going back to court. He currently has normal alternate weekend contact. We are not in a position to speak or work together, it’s a case of I do what I want when I have them and he does what he wants when he has them. How can he think he has the right to control what we do day to day? It sounds ridiculous when I say it like that but the worry is just eating at me.
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Jelly bean. He has no right to dictate anything about your day to day life, how you spend your money, or the everyday parenting decisions you make with your child. As an abusive man he will try to steal as much of your independence as he can. But he simply doesn’t have the right. I feel hopeful that the court will tell him that. He is revealing his controlling behaviour to them.
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Dear Jelly Bean,
My ex was abusive, yet tried to make out to Cafcass that I had mental issues and was thus emotionally abusive to my children- I think in order to get custody of the kids and then win the house (!), but Cafcass found me to be a loving and protective mother.
I was terrified his twisted lies would win. But now I can see how much you need to fight the fear and have faith.
He’s trying to terrify you in other to control you and hurt you. He’s trying to steer you off your intended course. Let him do his worst- you have nothing to fear regarding your children.
The best piece of advice so ever got was from the NSPCC who said to let child contact go to court and be formalised. Then, there is less opportunity for him to abuse you during ‘your time’ and he will eventually show himself to be the weak parent he is in ‘his time’ with no staying power. Also, if it’s formalised, it’s easier to prove any bad behaviour on his part. If it’s formalise, there is less reason for you to be in contact – as arrangements will not need discussing- they will be set in stone. And he will have less opportunity to wreak havoc.
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Thank you ladies. I think I just find it hard not to do as I’m told because that’s all I’ve ever been used to with him. I’ve been told not to answer to him unless it’s directly to do with the children but it’s really hard for me to not reply. This week it’s pretty much been an email a day with threats of going back to court, reporting me to the police etc. I think he is throwing his toys out of the pram because I’ve moved and I haven’t told him. I thought that now there is a court order in place things would start to get easier but it just seems that problems keep coming up all the time now.
I didn’t think he was able to have a say in day to day life, but he’s so convincing to me that it makes me question it if that makes sense. My family keep telling me he’s doing it to scare me and to not worry, but it’s easier said than done. Deep down I think I know they are right but it still just sends me into a panic.
I just need to learn how to deal with him I suppose.
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Jelly Bean.
Lots of good advice. To add to it put everything ion writing emails. If he won’t write an account of what was said and when and send it to him. That way you have a trial of what actually happens rather than the lies that will happen.
He will know what makes you scared, he remember he has conditioned you to make you jump to any commands he told you. He will use your “mental health” as an excuse to shut you up. He will also do the but I told you this, or I didn’t agree to this. Which is also another good thing about writing things down you can see what was agreed or told and when.
He has a much say what you do with the children in your care as you do when they are in his care. Just remember that.
Smile sweetly and let it wash right over you. Practice it, even if you are shaking inside, slowly it will get easier to do.
Loving the NSPCC piece of advice. We are living proof of that one.
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Your title caught my eye! I feel like this about my abusive ex! I left him when I was in early days of pregnancy in fear for mine and more so my baby’s safety! He told me he would drag me through the court system and that’s exactly what he began to do when my baby was a few
Months old! I hate hate hate him and feel he is controlling my life more now than even when we were together! The family court is corrupt it makes it so easy for our abusive to Continue there abuse! -
Hi Its a classic tactic of abusers to say we are mentally ill, mine has in the past said thta I need sectioning, he even asked a policeman in the street to have me sectioned, at the time it was him ranting and raving at me me !! it do not work,they all try this one.
I have even had two mental heath assesments in the past year and he said ive pulled the wool over their eyes and they have missed something.
They actually site us as being exaclty what they are themselves, hope you can get justice with him. xx
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