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I went out and it was tough. The days leading up to it I couldn’t stop crying I felt so much anxiety. I would be seeing people I haven’t seen in a long time and I’ve not done anything like this for myself in a while. See he didn’t like any of my friends apparently they were all bad for me. I nearly had a moment where I wasn’t going to go I wanted to back out. I couldn’t pack my stuff I was weeping like a baby.
Whilst there I enjoyed myself. I looked and felt amazing I noticed when I walked into the room every one went quiet. I can’t remember the last time that happened. I did get upset when my friend thanked me for coming because it triggered me. I’ve not been allowed to celebrate one of my closest friends birthday that isn’t right. I also had a guy flirting with me which I handled really really well. All in all it’s a great step forward and I’m going to take it easy for a while not doing anything big for a while.
Also, I understand what happened to me and how long he had been doing this. But, I can’t understand the reasons behind it. I don’t read abuse noons I started to but they were so triggering. Are there any books which any of you would recommend? Please can you private message the details. I cannot get my closure because it will impact my mental health. I feel this will really help my recovery. Please help x*x
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Well done for going. It will take a while to get back to normal. Your self confidence and self esteem have been badly eroded. Dont be hard on yourself. Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven was a book that womens aid gave me. Dont spend too much time trying to work out his behaviour. Hes an abusers. Self centred, n**********c, controlling abusers. Thats his problem not yours. Try to concentrate on your own recovery. Youre doing really well. Are you having councelling or speaking to your local womens aid? Keep taking baby steps forward x time and no contact are what really helped me ❤️
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Thank you both. I just needed to hear that 😊. I’ve taken a look at the resources and it has helped I’ll private message you which ones have helped the most. It took a huge amount of courage to do that. I almost felt as though I shouldn’t be there. Reading books is helping me to remember that this isn’t my fault. I think I feel like that at the moment because it’s mentally still installed in me. When I read those books it made me realise that there isn’t anything wrong with me and it is all with him.
I haven’t had counselling yet I’m still on the waiting list I have another month to go. I haven’t really had my closure on this. I’m very strong I’m very practical but I feel incredibly hurt by the deceit and the betrayal but I have no way of releasing it. Yes I go to the gym, I am kind to myself have regular massages etc but that isn’t really talking to a professional about how it’s impacted me and how big a loss I feel. All I wanted was a kind, loving, respectful husband. Someone who respected me and my family – it was completely normal what I envisaged but in reality what I got was pure evil. It hurts, I crave for what I never had and I feel extreme sadness over how badly I was treated.
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If you can afford to go for private councelling you should consider looking for someone with specialist knowledge on domestic abuse. The NHS let me down twice. If you feel an urgent need to speak to someone then the helpline are good listeners. Youre going to have lots of mixed feelings including some grief. Grief for the relationship you should have had. Its his loss. Good riddance to bad rubbish x
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Thank you both that’s exactly what I wanted to hear. I’m on the waiting list with my local women’s aid. Just getting that out and hearing your words has helped me significantly. Healthy I too can spot abusers a mile off I’ve been around one in a professional setting gave support to a survivor of domestic abuse and I spotted him in a crowd straight away. I don’t know how that happened but it did.
My marriage was the worst time of my life. I never ever felt so alone. I never expected to feel like that I thought he was the right person for me he turned out to be a fake. He fooled me, my parents, my siblings, extended family, family friends and friends. He was a complete fake. It’s completely shocking. It’s definitely opened my eyes up to the world. My family thought people were like us good people! But they’re not the world is such a dangerous place.
I had some time out today I didn’t want to speak to anyone and that’s how I’ll be over the next few days. I just want to gather my thoughts and have quiet time. It definitely is his loss and I’m certainly not going to hide away. Why should I? I’ve done nothing wrong and hiding away is exactly what he wants me to do. I am very weary of other people’s behaviour now. I noticed certain things on the weekend and I’ve made one observation. My beliefs are very strong, I could have drank and got absolutely drunk and out of control but I didn’t. I’m a religious person so I don’t want to compromise that, I dont behave in a way to ‘fit in’, I conduct myself well and I do what is right for me. I want to be in control of my life the choices I make have to be right for me I don’t care what society or others say and I also am careful with the company that I keep.
I think I’ll be okay ladies my friend found out on the weekend and he said I have so much to look forward to in the future and you know what he’s right. Soon I’ll be divorced I’ll have my name back and I can focus completely on myself. I feel like with the divorce hanging over me that I can’t move on and have complete goodness in my life. Seeing friends I haven’t seen for years was so fulfilling. Everyone was so happy to see me why should those who care about me suffer? I know 100% what a healthy relationship is and it’s accepting who someone is and what’s important to them. I’ve missed out on so much but I’m not going to anymore.
Thank you both again xxxxx
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