- This topic has 2 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 9 months ago by
Serenity.
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17th November 2016 at 6:25 pm #32470
specificus
ParticipantI’ve never really thought about it before, but since reading up about emotional abuse (regarding my husband’s behavior) I started noticing other things.
Particularly my mother.
And right now I feel very upset and can’t believe she is doing it.
We live in different countries, and generally I’d say we have a good relationship, she helps me a lot, but I often joke I can’t go home too often as after a week we start getting on each other’s nerves.
But I’m wondering if she’s also manipulating / emotionally abusing me?! Is it why I’ve put up with what my husband does for so long?
(PS ADMIN – she doesn’t speak English so it’s safe to leave all the details).
Today’s example. She tried Skyping me this morning, but I didn’t hear the call. She texted to ask if we are home or not. I tried calling back on Skype but she was offline, and after that my son and I headed off, lots of errands to run, etc so I didn’t think to reply. When I got home I checked again if she’s online but she wasn’t, so again I got on with my own stuff. Bare in mind, we often can go several weeks without talking on Skype/texting each other.
And just now, she sends me a text, basically saying that I’m ignoring her messages, and whether she did something wrong, and if so she’s isn’t going to bother me again.
In the summer, when we stayed over, I caught her basically manipulating my son into doing some mundane thing, like putting a certain piece of clothing on, and when he said he didn’t want to (he is (detail removed by moderator), and it’s wouldn’t have made any difference if he put it on or not), she basically said she won’t love him. My son was inconsolable. I challenged her about it, but she closed off at first and didn’t even want to discuss it and then told me I disrespect her, and don’t speak well with her, and went to her room crying.
This is NOT what I need right now. She knows I have relationship difficulties with my husband, and she decides to add to them?! We are going to visit again in the winter and I’m already dreading it. It seems it’s poisonous atmosphere everywhere I b****y turn!! And right now I’m thinking about separating from my husband and my mother’s manipulations make me feel like I can’t even go live with her if I have to.
I seriously don’t know what to think.
Is it emotional abuse on her part, or is that what grandmothers do? -
17th November 2016 at 7:00 pm #32474
Ayanna
ParticipantThere is a reason why we are prey for abusive men. The way our parents brought us up and treated us makes all the diiference whom we allow into our lives later.
I keep my family at a far distance. My mother is either d**n stupid or a very horrible person. I find it hard to make a decision which of the two she is. She is no good for me.
In order to get on with life I do not talk to her much.
It is better to get help from strangers and start a new life than relying on sick family. Your mother is damaging for your son. For sure she was damaging for you.
I hope you are in contact with Women’s Aid to get away from your husband.
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17th November 2016 at 8:35 pm #32475
Serenity
ParticipantYou can see very clearly the unhealthy patterns of behaviour, so trust your gut and make sure you set up as much protection for yourself and your son as possible.
For example, try not to leave your son alone with her when you see her next, and don’t play ball when she tries to make you feel guilty for being too busy to answer her messages immediately.
I’m afraid she sounds like she sees everything according to her own needs and unfortunately doesn’t deal with things in a very mature manner. But such emotional immaturity can be damaging to others.
Wouldn’t it be great if our family members were all emotionally developed and careful in their treatment of others?!
You found as if you are able to be a great, sensitive and very aware mum to your son. Prioritise that relationship, and don’t let your mum make you feel bad about yourself in any way.
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