Ex still controlling

When I was planning my escape. It was a police officer that advised me to get out of the area and move as far away as possible. before my ex took me to court for access. I’ve heard other survivors say similar. I would seek immediate advice from a solicitor but I would seek to be getting away to your family asap. You’ve got a good argument that you need their support. It may mean abandoning the house but if it’s jointly owned he can arrange the sale. Also get a support worker with Women’s Aid. Do you work? Is it possible to relocate job?

Please get some specific advice from a solicitor. There is so much that depends on your specific circumstances. I would ask your local Women’s Aid if they can recommend one. Most will offer 1st consultation free.

Please take care and keep us updated.

I can only suggest going to women’s aid and disappear into a refuge far away. He will abuse his position due to his line of work. In the refuge they will help you with the solicitor, the house and the child access.

Quite frankly you can tell him that if he doesn’t stop he will only see his daughter via the court access. Which won’t be nice they will drag all of you to a contact centre and assess his parenting your parenting and your child’s psychological well being. they will also test you both for drugs and alcohol.

obviously he has things to hide so he probably won’t be going to court.

I agree that the best way is to go to your family and let him take it to court. That way you’ll have the support of your family around you plus a force that doesn’t know him should you want to report his intimidating behaviour. Once access is court ordered he can’t use this to threaten you anymore. Don’t believe what he tells you and don’t share your plans with him. Stay safe and good luck xx

HI Hun

Sounds like u really need your family support around you, he is taking advantage that you are alone my ex was the same, and the fact that he is an officer doesnt help, could u report him to a high senior that he is using his auotirity as a plice officer to take advantage, or speak to an other station and report him. Def dont let him in your house, put boundaries in place to protect yourself. With these men they have to be reported to be kept in line, play him at his own game and log what he is doing to your gp, health visiort, get a support worker and get her to support u , he doesnt need to know u are loggin complaints agaisnt him, call social servicers yourself and say you have left an abusive partner but he is always threating to report you for no reasons, take their advice and see what ehy say. For myself i had to leve my house to and relocate closer to my family just to get away from him, to save costs you could always reply to letters yourself if he is sending letters over petty things, my friend hadd same problem couldnt afford solciitor so she replied to letters herself stating she was in process of looking for solicitor but would tempoary reply herself direct.They all say they are going to take us to court, it will make him look bad , so his just testing you, get a non mol issued against him and i think passover has to be done via third party or if u dont have nayone like me, i think that is the only time u see each another at passover, btu get guidance on this . As to is forcing u to sell house leet him take u to court and say u can only afford to pay the 3000 his entitiled to in small instalments of 1.00 per week , who cares if it takes 8 years, u not refusing , and hope you are claiming csa of him , get the csa involved, u dont even have to speak with ex, csa will deal with him

His job doesn’t matter it’s his behaviour. But I really understand why you feel more vulnerable because of it.
Womens aid will be the best place to start for how to handle this. The other option is to see if you can talk to the police domestic abuse team. My women’s aid team referred me as they felt I was in danger.
If he is threatening you and there’s evidence such as emails or texts keep them and if you feel unsafe ring 101. It will log his behaviour. You can even ask to speak to someone in a neighbouring area not your home town.
We keep thinking the police look after their own but they can’t ignore facts.
You say you have to answer his letters from solicitor – does your solicitor agree? Mine tried this on with emails and letters to solicitor and in the end she wrote to him and told him she wasnt reading any unless they came from his soicitor. He still enailed and wrote but they were simply stored as evidence of his behaviour and the really important letters were few and far between.
You say he has £3000 equity in house. If there’s a mortgage can you extend for that amount and pay him off? But you’ll need to do deeds transfer if in joint names. If it was a typo and it’s 30k this might still be affordable. I bet he won’t want that though as it takes away another thing he can harrass you about!. They drive you potty.
Keep positive. Phone womens aid and take care x*x