New & confused!

Hi pinklady,

Thanks for your post and welcome to the forum, I hope you find it a helpful place to be.

It’s totally understandable that you’re not sure about going to refuge, it’s a big decision to make and there must be lots of different thoughts going through your head. Perhaps it might be helpful to air those thoughts/worries a bit more, either on here and/or by calling the Helpline on 0808 2000 247. You could talk to a helpline support worker about refuge and ask any questions you may have.

It sounds like you have made some big realisations recently, and it’s positive that you are talking about this. Keep talking and hopefully that will help you to decide what to do next, but don’t worry if it takes a bit of time, that’s normal.

If you have not done so already have a look at the section about refuge in the Survivor’s Handbook.
Also, please consider starting a topic in one of the other forums.

Kind Regards,

Lisa

Hi Pinklady – 🙂

I’ve nipped back on here whilst monster inc is out at he shops pretending he’s a nice person..

I hear you loud and clear – I too do not want to go to a refuge and I understand all the feelings you have of how this scares you etc. I am trying to get enough cash saved so I can get a studio/flat or something that is mine…I just don’t think I can do a communal living thing – at least if I eventually secure a place to stay then I have some sort of control over where that is.

We as women are let down by a system that makes it almost impossible to get a roof over our heads – I am fighting with every breath to escape a person that has nothing but disregard and hatred for me – you would think the council would be ‘willing’ to do something….not the case – born here or not.

The fact that in your head you are beginning to think of getting away from him is evidence enough that you know the relationship is wrong and that too is a lot to deal with.

There a great people on here so you have made a good choice in making this connection 🙂

I will be thinking of you…

Stay well x

Hi and welcome pinklady,

Glad you posted. Leaving is a process. You are aware you need to leave and that is a great realisation. Now to do it. Leaving an abuser and abusive relationship for me was one of the hardest things to do. Its not easy but we all had to start somewhere.

Posting to us and reading the posts will move you closer to your goal of getting out of ‘the Cycle of Abuse you’re in with your abuser. Also what helped me when I couldn’t just up and leave even though his abuse had escalated towards me was I started to declutter and sort out my possessions with a view to leaving. I went through my clothes, books, paperwork, ornaments etc. This gave me some sort of feeling of working on my goal of leaving the relationship.

Small steps everyday done towards the goal of leaving the abuser will all add up.

So post, read posts, declutter, ring Women’s Aid. These will all help you. Also eat as well as you can, daily walk/exercise, rest during day if you don’t sleep at night. All this self-care is important to keep your strength up to leave. Forget him and his bad mouth and nasty ways. Focus on you, your self-care, your stuff and your plan to leave.

Hi pinklady

I just wanted to show you some support,I’m fairly new here myself and everyday is a struggle but it’s getting easier. I found reading the posts on here and to just talk to people who know what I’ve been through a great comfort.keep posting you will get there I promise I remember thinking I’d die without him a one point you are strong you can do this

Fsc xx

Hiya please call the helpline get your place and go with out thinking to much about it . That’s what I did and you will have a lot of support and help in getting your own place .
You need to have peace of mind and you can’t get it staying where you are
You deserve a fresh start and to have your own money and be in charge of what you want to do
Hugs xx