I joined a dating site.

Lol! I learned that I don’t actually need any of these men lol. There are so many weirdos I had to block, they still view my profile even though it says divorced end it’s such an empowering thing to know I don’t need any of them. I don’t have to get in a relationship or married again if I don’t want to but I’ll let them work hard for me lol. It’s shocked me because I’ve forgotten how irresistible I am. I literally have 6 guys I’m chatting to on there and the ones that seem like ones to keep away from get blocked! I haven’t been judged for being divorced except for one ugly a******e but I’m chatting to one guy on there whose been divorced, he lives his life the way I do and boy does he look like a MAN! I’m having fun with it, talking to new people, no expectations and I’ve got my blood pumping again! Xxxx

Don’t worry my safety is paramount lol. Don’t worry I’m much wiser now. It’s giving me the practice in being in a relationship I’m not showing them I need any of them in my life I’m letting them all chase me. I am not sucked in when I feel like someone is too overpowering or clingy I block them but I’m the one in control here and that’s how it’s going to say. If a guy can’t handle the respect that I deserve then he can get lost cos I don’t actually need a man! There are so many ways to have a child these days and if I chose to have a child in such a situation I can. I have everything I want and need in my life x

I am in control don’t worry! So sweet how you’re concerned but I’m just using it as a platform to experience how things are done these days. I am being very very careful and there’s a guy who I’m chatting to who lives close to me! He’s the only guy I feel safe talking to cos I know I can do a real background check on him and also he is familiar with the things I’m familiar with. He said I can chat to him, spend time with him and learn to trust again only if I want and only if I’m ready. He lives in the same area as my family so there’s no way I can’t find out what I need to. He knows I ain’t taking s**t, I’m honest and these men are in awe of me. First I don’t want to disclose what happened to me but you know what it comes up why are you divorced etc but if anything it shows them that I will not be making the same mistake again and I’ve got my wits about me! I don’t trust a single thing they say but I’m enjoying the attention hahahha

I might delete it

I’m going to call the Samaritans and talk it through. I feel like it’s taking over my life a little too and it’s moving away from my recovery!

Part of me feels like I need a b****y rebound after this s**t and that’s why I’m steering towards the local one! I just need to get stuff or my system!

Thanks. Don’t worry any guy from far is meeting me and my friend (not any time soon only in the near future) and if he doesn’t like it then it’s nit happening! I will not let anyone compromise my safety. But this will still scare me whether I do this today, tomorrow, 2 years, 5 years! X

We will always naturally feel so apprehensive about this. As long as we post on here, share safety tips and experiences and also tell our friends where we are and what’s happening we will be ok!!! X

Cuppa if anyone tried anything with me ill swing a baseball at them or threaten to call the police!!!! NOONE is ever going to hurt me again like that! That naivety has gone!! If they know the truth they know I can smell a rat a mile off!!!! I’m in control, I say who I see when I see, who touches me, who doesn’t, who gets my number who doesn’t and if they don’t like it they can go and take a hike cos I don’t actually need them for anything really!!!! I’m trying to test the waters, see if a relationship and marriage is for me, see if I want to go down that road cos if I don’t I got plenty of other things I want to achieve! This time round is sooo different to the first time and they know I’m a catch and they know they’re so lucky that I even glance at them! Difference is they know my worth so they know one step over the mark I’ll cut them off!!!!!!!!!! I am a woman going places and boy it shows at work in how I dress, how I walk, how I conduct myself!!!!

I’ve removed everything from my profile and I’m cancelling my membership

It’s making me anxious I’m scared what if I can’t see an abusive relationship again? I haven’t even done the freedom programme! There’s something in my gut saying don’t do this. When there is something that makes me question something I back off I realise how important that gut instinct is. I’m just by ready right now I got to focus on me. I’m scared of being hurt, heartbroken, trapped and abused again x

I got harassed by a guy yesterday who wouldn’t take no for an answer he kept adding me from different accounts I reported him but it made me feel unsafe. I’ve spent too long on it sleeping late and feeling really tired and not being able to concentrate on work. My career has to come first! I’ve spent so long trying to get somewhere I can’t let anything distract me I felt like it was a distraction from me and my recovery! X