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I honestly don’t know if he knows what’s he doing or does is abusive ?or he really feels that he hard done by. Is he that manipulative and clever enough to do that,or that just what he accepts as the “norm” as knows no difference ? See I can’t work out whether he does it purposely or he believes he ok or he sick as he says when all kicks off.But all I know when I talk to him and be civil we got on lot better last few weeks and he seems be back on a even keel and being decent such as takes care of himself more eats again goes to work but should I still be weary and keep him arms length all he says I’m cold emotionally and that Issues that he reacts to and im to blame in a way too
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Ask yourself if he treats others as badly as you? Mine didn’t meaning he could control himself when required. It’s shocking to realise that they know exactly what they’re doing. Also, I only got abused where there were no witnesses. Again, he could control himself until we were alone! Ring the helpline number on here for a chat. They’re great
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One thing I have learnt going through the process of understanding what has happened to me, is to ask yourself what would happen in a healthy relationship. I found this page helpful – http://www.loveisrespect.org/healthy-relationships/
If you don’t feel you are being treated fairly or with respect then it is an unhealthy relationship. Anyone who takes you for granted, blames you, bullies you, does not take you seriously or is aggressive is not going to make a good partner! I see abuse everywhere – the way my next door neighbour talks to his wife, friends saying they are not allowed to do this or that, the way men in general talk to women(also the way some women talk about themselves!)
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Mine was quite proud of the fact that at work he was seen as patient, level-headed, and a calming influence. Pity he left those skills at work!
I was the only one he had communication problems with which he said was my fault. I likewise only had problems communicating with him. No surprise really – I never knew how to explain so that he would understand. I also never knew whether he wanted a yes/no answer or more detail. And if I got flustered or stumbled (panic about how to answer) I was hiding something. I have held down a professional job for decades and have never had feedback that my communication skills were less than desired.
It just shows how he moved the goal posts to keep me jumpy and second guessing myself.
I have also struggled with the idea that he did these things in a calculated way.
I’m sure there were some things he did without thinking – we all have wierd quirks we pick up or pet peeves. Now I am also sure he did lots of things precisely to undermine me. -
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