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Hi everyone. I thought I would share my story with you all to see if anyone can support me through what has been an end to a confusion exhausting toxic relationship. We were together several years I thought right up until the end even after suffering very serious mental physical abuse I kept trying and trying its only the last two weeks I realise I am a co dependent and he is a (detail removed by moderator) man. The last time he attacked me I won’t go into details but I protect myself but also I seen red and it was like all the years of being called w***e s**t c**t b***h having any problem u had used against me as a tool all the money I lost all the lies manipulation all of it came flooding out and I ended up in the police station I admitted everything but he didn’t press charges and my solicitor said I was lucky and I went home. Afterwards he contacted me for money he asked me why I u reacted and I told him I was scared he ripped out my hair etc and I wanted it to stop and then I gave him money ml he guilt Ed my housemate too who also gave him money and I had no idea and he went away and enjoyed himself next thing I know just got a restraining order with lies horrible things said about me and my character and I spoke to my GP who rang up a domestic service and I had no idea but when I left the station I had a protection order on me a marac and he has had to make his own up to hurt me. I know why he has done this he has done this because now I defended myself and snapped he got the reaction he wanted and can tell his friends see she was mad it wasn’t me etc and now I know I never get closure and also even tho I know he is my abuser it’s like losing a limb I feel so alone so used and thrown away when it’s strange he obviously found my boiling point and I snapped but the r thought of living a life without him is scary it’s like I am his dog but if you poke a dog with a stick enough they bite. Everyone my family friends are happy but still it was so many years and I had real magic with this person I was convinced he was the one he would change but now I know he is manipulative I am not sure he lovede truly I was used and knowing I have a marac and did not even know is strange. Sorry this is long-winded I have been just so confused now the chaos but also the man I thought I loved is gone and have to start again
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Sorry me again this has obviously made me think that he has a history before me too that I did not know about. I never pressed charges ever I rang police when I was terrified he would not stop and still have no idea why or what happened in court I did not contest it. So alone with this my head is a mess please reply
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Hi woke up. This must be very confusing for you and I’ve been where you are. As the fog of abuse begins to clear and we have the time and space, our brains work overtime to try to work out what’s been happening. There is a helpline number on here and you could also try contacting your local women’s aid for support. My ex reported me to the police too. After his final assault. They didn’t pursue it because I actually did nothing. He was arrested and just lied to them. I was put in a cell anyway while they investigated. It’s gut wrenching when you realise that they are just ruthless pathological liars. Then started the smear campaign. To cover his tracks. Just like your abuser. Cowardly lowlife. By treating me this badly it made me even more determined never to have contact with him again. It’s the love bombing phase that leaves us even more confused and vulnerable. What you’re going through is perfectly normal and your recovery is going to be a roller coaster ride. Be kind to yourself meantime and take baby steps.
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Thanks kip I have been told I could press charges on historical abuse I have not got the energy now but I have so much evidence medical files x rays family friends etc he has no idea the legacy he has left me. I just have no idea why I stayed to the point it has got too. What he has written on this restraining order is insanity he even said he feared fir his life that he is scared if I don’t reply to his messages I will go to his house and assault him. Over the years I have suffered dislocated knees facial fracture ripped out hair to the point it had to be cut short he said he was only with me for my own wellbeing and tried to leave but felt worried about me I am nauseous with what I have read I knew he was violent and obviously but it was mostly when drunk and he did this sober he even said that he told me from the beginning he had a drink problem and I never supported him I tried to take him to aa he had no interest if anything he ruined my recovery and I am just picking it back up now and off to rehab and hopefully move to a new town which is daunting. I have been left scared actually with what he has written in case I get charged with something!! I think I have ptsd as this goes over and over in my mind. He knew I had a couple of problems regarding health and that of a family member and this is just not needed on top all I did was defend myself. Everyone is sick of hearing about it and him and just says good but the fact he destroyed me and I finally stuck up for myself and now I am the monster kills me I ffeel I deserve justice and actually right now want to get strong and well and get legal advice. He has various assaults on people two in the last two years on strangers and one on me lots on police and who knows what else. Would the family court see his criminal record and make sense of it and see he is a lier and this is another abuse tactic or do they just accept hear say. I broke his window a few weeks ago out of sheer frustration to be honest he had slept with me and then the verbal started and he pulled me outside by my hair and continued to shout abuse through the window and so u threw a stone he asked for half as in the past he has smashed up pretty much all of my things and I paid him and he yet again drank it but he did not tell the truth in this order. I am not proud of the way I reacted on the last night he assault me but what can I do just have all NY hair ripped out again!! They did a body map on me and it is obvious it is self defense but also I’m not sure how to explain but a build up of emotions I never experienced anything like this feeling I just couldn’t take the words the fists but especially the words and what makes me sick is that he just truly honestly believes his version of events. He spent years calling me mad telling me he never hit a woman before me but I drove him to it and endlessly dumped me even around the word he left me alone in precarious dangerous situations. And what u don’t understand is why on earth do they not tell him I had a protection order on me when making this restraining order surely they can see that he is doing this to hurt me badly and in some way forgive himself for the countless assaults I stupidly put up with because I was blinded by love.he has various suspended sentences asbo etc just out on his own surely they can see he is violent and I am not and was obviously pushed. In his restraining order he even said my local domestic abuse place had rang police to say I wished I had killed him, I am not sure if I said something in heat of moment but surely a women’s domestic abuse organisation should be confidential and I rang them for help not for them to enable him I feel so betrayed by everyone
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Hey there. Firstly please do not believe a word he has ever told you. They are pathological liars and the lies they tell are designed to maximise the damage to your well being. They know us so well so they know what hurts most. I had to get a restraining order and my ex responded with the most vile lies ever. I totally never expected that and it absolutely floored me. Your domestic violence worker wouldn’t phone him. He’s just making stuff up to get to you. I reported my ex for rape and sexual assault after he was arrested. I has to keep talking to people. I thinks it’s a symptom of PTSD when we can’t stop telling people. I actually told the sales teller in Marks and Spence that my husband had assaulted me! She was actually really nice and told me her ex was a pig too. I think you should definitely see your GP about counselling. Part of my reporting my ex was me taking back control. It’s all recorded now and it’s upto the police to deal with him. Also, google ‘trauma bonding’. And (detail removed by moderator). It’s a long road to recovery but with lots of help you will get there x
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Thank you kip trauma bonding I will look it up I am sick of this his s**t. He created this mess and all I did was defend myself the difference is he was not the one who was hurt too and he used this opportunity to tell everyone that he was right she was mad she deserved it ect everyone knows who he is really is buy he has convinced himself now that I am mad and I deserve it and I hope the order is permanent coz end of the day Its a blessing. One day when I am not there to blame he will get himself into real s**t and she will press charges. I had amazing times with him and at my expense of course course but he can’t hide from who he found really is forever and I want to move upwards and onwards away have an opportunity to move to a new place and have a fresh start and I’m taking it if he lovebombs my a*s when I get stronger and more better and get back my confidence I will just tell him too f**k off. Bored of his s**t
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A MARAC is not too bad. You can show them evidence that you have about the abuse. They will understand that you snapped. You had to defend your life and maybe wanted to protect your children? Three women per week are killed by men in this country. What does the police expect?
It is important to get someone from Women’s Aid there to speak up for you.
You seem to have Stockholm Syndrome because you always found excuses for his behaviour and never took action to punish him with the law.
This is not unusual. Google a lot and read up about the dynamics of Domestic Abuse in order to learn arguing the right way against your enemies.
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