I recently experienced something potentially very upsetting, where a troublesome family member turned on and became quite abusive to those around them, including me.
I had been doing a lot to support this person.
Though I am partially angry with myself for falling into a bit of a trap of helping this person too much and allowing them to invade my boundaries and userp my time over many months, I am also proud of the fact that I was able to cope with a very volatile situation and walk away, firmly asserting my boundaries. I didn’t get angry or upset, I just said I refused to be spoken to in the way they were speaking to me.
The old me would have been heartbroken at their behaviour, panicked and apologised for things that I didn’t do! As it was, my priority was to stick up for myself and not to take responsibility for things which weren’t my fault.
This person has in fact been made to take responsibility for their actions, as a number of people refused to take the blame for things that this person was trying to blame others for. It waits to be seen whether this person really will hold themselves responsible for their issues- but I am really proud of the fact that I stuck up for myself, something I always failed to do in the past.
I think going through my painful experience of abuse has made me more assertive and stronger. Protecting myself is a wonderful sensation. How freeing not to blame myself for others’ wrongs! And refusing to means others are more likely to take responsibility for themselves. We only enable abuse to continue by letting others off the hook.