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I have just sent him a text that I want to cut the contact with him. I blocked him on social media. I broke my sim card and threw it through the window. And now I feel very sad and upset because despite everything I love him very much. But I understand that this relationship will end up killing me either physically or mentally.
I have tried to go no contact in the past and not once, but I did not last long. I am determined that this time I am leaving for good. We are separated by distance so I am safe. The main thing is not to go back to him crawling and begging for forgiveness….. I want to be strong. I want to be happy. I want peace!!!!!!! -
Hi Anabela,
I think nearly all loved or some still love there abusers, it’s a mad really strange thing cause nearly abusers can have this good side or like me who adored my ex husband felt guilty to put my needs first before his. I remember even if I burnt a dinner I’d always serve him the perfect meal and I’d eat the burnt one. I tried so hard. But whatever you do and when the time is right you will know when you need peace and to shut the door, best wishes on it, it’s a hard slog but in the end worth it for peace and freedom x
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Sunshine, thank you for your reply. Today I actually feel really good 🙂 I expect there are a mixture of emotions yet to come, but I had a peaceful sleep knowing that he can’t call me and it feels that I have a chance to have a good and happy future 🙂
Today I was thinking about our intimacy which I would start to miss it whenever I used to thought of leaving him … But today I was thinking of not so good memories: him waking me up for sex late at night, while all I want is sleep. Him wanting to have sex a few times a day, when I feel sore and him not caring about it. Him still having sex with me when I had a very bad pain in my lower belly and me thinking if I keep quite that sex hurts it will get over quicker. Him denying sex when I want it and making me feel like an idiot and saying all I want is pleasure. Or saying you look like you want to be f****d. Whenever I said i am too tired for sex, he would say just lay or sleep, you don’t have to do anything anyway. Or him wanting to have sex straight after an argument, when it is the last thing on my mind…. And it is pointless to say no as it would feel it is quickest just to get over it. And there have been so many times like this….. And then I thought to myself. I definitely have had enough!!!!!
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