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Exactly the same thing. I got him to sign it in the end. But I made sure that I had leverage over him when I left – in the form of quite a lot of his cash. Which I kept until he had signed everything I needed signing and we no longer had a joint account or a joint tenancy. (And returned the minute everything was tied up and I could go no contact. I couldn’t believe that there was no recourse in that situation that didn’t basically require his permission. The flat was even worse. I had basically fled. They knew I had moved out because of abuse. There was no way to take my name off the tenancy and get the deposit (paid by me in my name) back until he agreed to move out. And I was liable for his rent and the condition of the flat. He could have landed me in so much debt. It’s terrifying.
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Hi Kip,
Yes, I had trouble with our joint account. My card stopped working, was being declined. I asked him about it, whether we were overdrawn. He said he’d sort it. Months went by so I went into the bank to get some money and was refused. Apparently he’d changed the account into his name with me as a card holder. He’d cancelled my card to the joint account saying he thought I’d said I’d lost it. A new card came, but the PIN number never arrived. Without his pin or mine or him being there I was told I couldn’t access the account. I’ve no idea how he did it without my signature or presence. Lies probably! It’s frightening what they can do. -
Thanks for sharing. There was another lady on here who had to meet her abuser at the bank to get the joint account sorted and he just predictably continued his abuse for all the time they were there. I cannot believe it’s their policy to make both parties come in person. I read an article and like physical abuse, financial abuse is most prevalent when we try to end a relationship or soon after and 80 percent of women who report financial abuse have other kinds of abuse going on. Which isn’t a surprise. That policy needs changing and that’s my next project x
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My bank didn’t require me to meet him. Just that we both signed the form that took my name off the account. Unfortunately he was going back and forth agreeing then refusing to sign the form and I couldn’t see any way to be sure it was done except to meet him, get it signed, then take it to the bank personally. Could have gotten round it by using lawyers or another intermediary.
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Can i ask if it was in dispute as this is where the problem arises. Once its in dispute which he did (froze), they wanted us in person. Then two signatures. They even wrote to him, Before that, him or i could have emptied it and closed it without two signatures. Thats what is so obvious to me. He coukd have closed it but he chose to freeze it. Just to keep control. Sick.
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No, ours wasn’t in dispute I don’t think. It was just bank policy. Like I said, I had leverage over him at that point and was able to make him sign it, but I dread to think of how bad it could have been. (I absolutely don’t make a habit of this with exes, but with him it was the only way forward I could see.)
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Hey, I had leverage or so I thought and it made no difference. With him, he just wanted that control. This was the tip of the iceberg with his outrageous behaviour. But it’s something the bank could have helped with. I’m going through my nightmare and changing each step that enabled his abusive behaviour to continue. I’m embroiled in a major argument with them over this policy. How dare they try to ignore bail conditions. They actually kept telling me to come down with him. Even after I told them he was on bail for assault! That was their policy!
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Hi KIP it was me who had to go to the bank with him to close the account.
The bank would not let one of us close the account we both had to be there at the same time. I even spoke to manager and explained why I didn’t want to be there at the same time. Bank rules!
In retrospect it was funny – he’d said I had to do it on my own and called me useless when I said I couldn’t. He then had to come groveling to me when he wanted it closed and bank told hom tbe same thing. It took about 5 mins to do and he was pathetic while we were there – playing the dumb idiot all the while sneering at me.
Bad memory but easier to cope with now after time. -
Thanks white rose. Same here. I told them he had bail and they still insisted! I’m trying to get the banks to change that policy. How ridiculous. Even if there is no domestic abuse. I wouldn’t want to face an ex if we had split up. Especially if it wasn’t amicable. I bet it’s some 50 year old rule. Its not necessary. Got my MP onto it too lol.
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Hey KIP I looked into this and never got back to you!!! Sorry. It appears there’s no way around this. Which is unbelievable!! However there must be something you can do. I know you’ve complained but maybe do it again. You need to say the words ‘treating customers fairly’. Get your name off that account. Express your pain and suffering. (I’m not joking btw), tell them the stress it causes you and demand your name is removed
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Hey thanks, they actually closed my complaint as they feel they have “treated me fairly”. They know all about my PTSD. His bail. His assault. I think I even mentioned rape at one point. They say it’s a civil matter! I’m trying to change legislation with FCA. PM me if you know anything that might help please x
The Financial Ombudsman won’t investigate because it’s a joint account and they need his permission! Happy Xmas lol 🎅🏽 -
Success. After I sent an email to the CEO, the executive complaints team got involved. The bank now admit I should have been referred to their “vulnerable person Department” but they are only used to dealing with financial abuse issues like a family member taking money from another elderly family member and hadn’t come across a domestic abuse situation. So there was this huge gap that I kept falling through. They are going to retrain staff to include domestic abuse cases to refer them to vulnerable persons department too. They admitted years of avoidable errors and the hell they put me through. She mentioned compensation and I said (detail removed by moderator) what the bank did to me was worse than that assault so I wanted the equivalent to his fine plus a further £1 as an acknowledgement that their abuse was worse than his! And they gave it to me. Never give up. Hold every institution accountable no matter how long it takes. Still working with my MP to change legislation. 👏
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Girls,
I still have a joint current account because of this policy. It had a overdraft that I can’t clear so isn’t in credit. I can’t afford to pay it off and he doesn’t use it. I pay the monthly OD charges. The system is wrong. I had a interview and explained my situ but because i couldn’t clear the OD they couldn’t take his name off it. This still stands right now 🤷♀️ -
Wow KIP this is great how you are managing to do these things. I made two complaints last year and both were resolved unsatisfactorily, but I feel very tired with too many other things to do to resolve them. I might return to one of them next month but it feels like some places any complaint falls on deaf ears and it can be tiring, triggering and draining trying to challenge these organisations.
It’s very positive and inspiring to hear about the changes you are making. I’d like to make a complaint to the police about how one of the police officers treated me. He was out of the room when I told his colleague my story then he came in and started doubting everything I said, asked about my mental health, used that against me, and implied that I’d imagined the abuse by reading too many google articles. It makes me feel sick how awful, cynical and sexist some police are when they are meant to protect us.
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It really was a struggle. I could only revisit every few weeks when I felt strong enough and even tonight after talking on the phone earlier I’m having that aftershock again. Back on high alert. Pick your battles. When you get to a strong point send off your complaint. It takes ages but you choose when you want to revisit it.
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Sunshine. Try to get them to waive the overdraft charges. Try the “vulnerable persons department”. Try explaining the domestic abuse situ. They do have the power to do this. After a year of arguing they waived the monthly fee on the account. My ex froze the account so I couldn’t use it or take money from it yet they kept taking fees! For an account I couldn’t use. Something the lady today said should have been done! Email the CEO of the bank. That’s how I eventually got their attention! Pester power lol
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This is great news! My bank were very good with regards to joint account, they were aware of the policy and used it so I could take my name off the account. However it’s a different matter with my little ones account, Something that both myself and my family regularly contribute to. However when it was opened, he must have somehow conned me into signing something that means only he can have access to it until she is 18. However, I am the only one who has put money into it, he is not allowed contact with my little one and in the past he has taken money out of her account and the bank will only freeze it, he has to agree/ sign so I can have access or even close it and open another. That’s not going to happen!
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