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So I have recently got out of an abusive relationship, I am struggling a lot. I see pictures of him come up on my Facebook and he looks so happy when I’m not. I feel angry, because how is he allowed to live this happy life where nobody knows what he is really like? I also get triggered and get this feeling in my stomach. I had counselling for 6 weeks but think I need other things to try and help 🙁 how do you control triggers? I also am getting anxious about everything, including thinking cars are following me, or that he is going to come to my road or that I will see him out. Can I go to the doctor about this kind of thing? Please help, I’m in need.
Love and hugs xo -
Hi there Gagaqueen,
Welcome to the forum. I felt exactly the same after my relationship, too scared to leave the house or go for a walk, jumping whenever I saw a car like his.
Firstly it would really help if you blocked him on facebook and blocked or unfollowed anyone connected to him. Look up ‘no contact after an abusive relationship’ in google and it will explain more about no contact. We can’t heal fully from these predators if they are still in our lives, including social media so this will go a long way to helping you feel better. You might also consider coming off facebook entirely until you feel more healed, it can be very triggering on there which can slow recovery down.
You can definitely talk to your GP about how you are feeling, you may have PTSD from what you went through. They are trained in domestic abuse and can refer you to services, just aim to get one who you think will be supportive. Have you rung the helpline or your local domestic abuse service? My location has a local service plus a few charities who were able to help me.
Was your counselling with an abuse trained counsellor or general CBT type therapy? If it was the latter then do seek out specialist therapy for abuse as I have found abuse trained therapist to be wonderfully validating while non-abuse trained ones have actually made me feel worse because they don’t understand the dynamic of an abusive relationship.
Keep posting on here too, everyone here understands and I am sure you will find a lot of support, understanding and good ideas.
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Hi Gagaqueen,
I’ve been where you are, and can still go backwards sometimes.
I had counselling for near to a year. I had the intial first 6 sessions, then a few more, stopped, then asked to have more.
I found it helpful to read about DBT ( Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) techniques and practice the exercise at home. Part of it is something they call Distress Tolerance Techniques (see online).
I does get better over time. Sometimes you can slip back a bit, but then move on again. It’s like two steps forward, one step back.
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